a culture of tech-sex

Once upon a time I had a dick on my phone.

I was in high school and the person who was interested in me at the time thought it would be appropriate to engage in some heated conversation with a follow up of a photo of his boy bits.

I’ve always found this as peculiar behavior; do boys honestly think that’s attractive? Do they realize that because of the shrinking size of technology, it makes it appear as though what they’re packing isn’t at all impressive?

What’s worse is that it’s not at all uncommon for guys to request such provocative photos from attractive women. I suppose I’ve never seen the appeal of having something just out of your reach as a constant reminder in your phone.

I personally was always the one with the deathly fear of sending any nude pictures of myself. I’ve always been technologically savvy and therefore was constantly reminded of the risks.

What if I ended up on some site that charges money and I never get my cut?

What if I planned on selling my virginity and all of a sudden the property value went down because someone’s already seen the floor plan?

What if someone tries to kidnap me and sell me overseas into sex slavery?

You know, the typical fears most people have, right?

But I won’t lie and say that I’m completely innocent – sending racy pictures has almost become a specialty of mine, and I’ve done so without even being nude. Imagine that?

That way, if someone saw it that I never planned on seeing it, I could easily play it off as just sending an innocent picture, and that I couldn’t help that it turned them on. It’s the perfect plan.

But you always read about the people who sent nude pics to their boyfriend, their boyfriend then showed it to their friends, and then  the girl ends up killing herself. Not that suicide is anything but serious, but I honestly never understood the line of thinking either of these people had.

My first thought is, wow that girl was really dumb enough to not only take in a shit boyfriend but to send him things he didn’t deserve? He’s a teenager, he’s not going to appreciate the human body he’s just gonna gawk at it. Why would you even bother? Are you that cheap?

Secondly, as a boyfriend why would you even share that with your friends? You’re pretty much saying that your girlfriend is a cheap slut, and even if she was why share the wealth with the guys? Make them work for it dude, and don’t get mad later when she sleeps with one of your friends because you decided to be a douchebag.

But being seen by others that I don’t know wasn’t my only fear when it came to nude pictures; I was scared of sexting. I’m still scared of texting the wrong people now without sexual connotation.

I have all sorts of numbers in my phone – ex boyfriends, new dating potentials, stalkers, employers, coworkers, professors, etc. I’m the type of person that can’t delete information unless it’s absolutely bad for me to have it; if I had deleted my ex’s number from this past year I would have cursed his ass out every day and never would have gotten over it.

It’s my biggest fear to drunk dial or even text something stupid to the wrong person. It’s why whenever I party you notice my phone is either locked in my bedroom or locked in my car under a bunch of shit.

In general it just doesn’t seem like a good idea to provide concrete evidence that you’re a whore to the general public. And if all of this doesn’t make you uncomfortable with it yet, please note that your phone company does have people screening your text messages. And I bet you that the person who reads your failed attempt at being a phone slut is laughing at you and your parents for even paying your phone bill.

Lesson: stop embarrassing your family, have sex in real life.

I’ve done some pretty kinky things in my life when it comes to sex, I’ll admit. If you name it I’ve probably done it, or at least thought about it. Except for that masochistic shit, not into that. But the one thing I refuse to do ever is video tape it. That’s even worse than a photo!

I don’t think I have the personality for a sex video. I’d be too concerned with things that are irrelevant.

“How does my hair look?”
“Is the oven on? Shit I think it is…”
“So this is all I’m getting, huh?”

Welcome to my sex life.

Anyway, I find it difficult enough to just take pictures. People have said I’m very photogenic, but I’m picky as hell when it comes to photos. I think people underestimate how difficult it is to take a picture of yourself.

You think the outcome will look like this:

When you really end up looking like this:

(As a sidenote that is my actual picture. Which one am I talking about? You’ll never know, now will you?)

I suppose sex addicts would get frustrated with me because I would make them wait hours on end before I approved of a photo for them to masturbate to. Imagine how long it would take to film a video?? In the end I suppose I’m just too damn lazy to have tech-sex. I suppose I’ll stick to regular sex, since it comparatively takes far less effort.

But for those of you that do enjoy the occasional grinding of the gadgets I think Apple should just go ahead and make an app for you. It’ll be better than Facetime, name it Cocktime. Maybe put in a “like/dislike” feature for instant feedback, a tips section from Cosmo? I’m sure we can find a 10 year old Chinese kid to create the app for us, they already made half the store anyway.

Speaking of something not at all relevant to China, I want you to do the following and let the hilarity ensue:

DO THIS OR DIE BY MY HANDS AND THE HANDS OF GOOGLE (PERHAPS)

1. Go to translate.google.com
2. English -> French
3. Type in “Take a dirty picture for me” without the quotes
4. Copy the result and change it from French -> English
5. Paste what you copied and translate it back.
6. Commence laughter.

I love playing with languages. ❤

Happy Holidays!

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Holiday, despite how I should have done this earlier to include the ones that aren’t Christmas. But I won’t be like the typical holiday commercials and try to say “Happy Holidays” to be politically correct and still throw Santa Claus in there for some reason.

Us foreigners don’t lie to our kids. We want them to know who to appreciate! Santa didn’t buy you shit, your parent’s whole pay check went into this you ungrateful son of a…

Happy Holidays Everyone!

I’ll blog after the holidays have ended

🙂

 

it’s not about you, stop fucking crying

NOTE: This is very long. But I do expect you to read the entire thing before making a comment, especially at the end when my rage subsides.

I’m getting really tired of oversensitive people; people who can’t take a statement with a grain of salt and actually think about what is said before working themselves up into a frenzy just to claim they were being “offended.”

Word of advice: if you can’t handle being offended, don’t read anything I say. I’m blunt as hell and I refuse to consider your feelings because you’re an adult and it’s about time you got weened from life’s proverbial tit. If I can admit to some societal failures accumulated by groups I’m a subcategory in, then so can you. If you want someone to stroke your dick ego I’m clearly not the one you’re looking for.

In short, I will tear you apart. Why?

Because the type of people that get offended by what I write and how I think usually have no clue about what I wrote nor what I thought. They see a topic, assume what I mean, and continuously cry for hours on end about how “wrong” I am.

And if you took the time to notice, you’d realize that everything I say that stirs up such controversy is a very general statement. If you haven’t taken a sociology course yet, you probably should (since it’s required, hint hint) so that you stand a chance at comprehending this very basic concept:

You as an individual don’t mean jack shit towards a sociological observation.

The whole point of sociology is to be able to come to a general conclusion, the key word being general. You can cry all you want about what you think it deduces to, what was implied, or whatever you feel like being offended over on that particular day but it doesn’t fucking matter.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say someone observes that the reason women purchase cosmetics is generally caused by a push from society to look physically superior or perfect to attract a mate. It doesn’t mean jack shit that the reason I put on make up is because I like being artistic and it’s fun for me.

My individual case isn’t enough to denounce an entire observation or theory, now is it? Especially one with some merit. And my individual case most certainly doesn’t speak for all the other cases! After all I’m not representative of all women just like no other woman isn’t representative of me.

But enough about women, let’s talk about men.

Recently there’s been a lot of (just kidding, like two or three) “men” that have been butt hurt about some things I have said with regards to dating. I put the word “men” in quotes because I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt, which I rarely do.

You’re welcome.

Basically the gist of what I actually (key word being actually) said is that American men don’t have what I need when it comes to dating; in America the concept of dating has devolved in such a way that things that aren’t at all healthy in a relationship have become acceptable. American men go by a morale that’s very unattractive to me – men are encouraged to act whorishly, unattached to their significant others, and in general extremely lazy and irresponsible when it comes to dating. Too often you’ll hear excuses for poor behavior instead of seeing people with great behavior.

Now let’s evaluate what I didn’t say that people seem to be insinuating:

1. All men behave poorly: that would be a direct insult to not only logic (which I value greatly) but to my male friends that HAVE shown that they can do better. I’m not the type to give people the benefit of the doubt; until someone can prove to me that they are a certain way then I’m apathetic to them and therefore don’t make the assumption that they can do better than the national average. *shrugs* Get over it.
2. Women are better than men: if you know me at all you know that I despise women. I despise how society encourages women to be weak, bitchy, manipulative towards men, and overly obsessed with trying to fit into a guy’s circle of male friends to try to be “unique.” (Sidenote: Bitches, being “one of the guys” doesn’t make you unique, it makes you a coward. If you can’t be yourself, as in the holder of a vagina, then you have a problem. In the end you’ll be treated like one of the guys: irrelevant.) I never said anything about women, good or bad. Since I’m not interested in dating a woman I don’t feel the need to talk about them. It’s that damn simple.
3. All men that aren’t American are worth going for: you’ll have your typical douchebag in every single country you go to, there’s no doubt about that. I only speak about American men because I live in AMERICA and therefore only interact with/date AMERICAN men. However, this also doesn’t mean other countries have the same morale as the U.S. Like I said, there’s nothing saying that there aren’t your douchebags sitting alongside your decent men. However, finding a decent man in America is like finding an untouched bottle of vodka at Courtney Love‘s house. Not every country has that same belief system when it comes to dating, and therefore tend to generate men more in sync with what American women value.
4. Chivalry is dead: first of all, the idea of chivalry isn’t at all related to what I’m talking about. Chivalry is an archaic concept where people essentially put the pussy up on the pedestal and treat women better than other men. Women get treated like shit here! Back in the day (medieval times) it was because women were thought of as prizes to be won, and had to be woo’d over. Let me explain something: I don’t enjoy the idea of chivalry, in its actual context; don’t be super polite to me just because I have different genitalia. I do however enjoy the idea of people having manners. I’m not the uber feminist type that gets angry if you hold open a door for her; as someone who dislikes touching anything public I greatly appreciate it. I understand it’s a courtesy, but that is simply being polite. It is not chivalry. And chivalry is not valued because I am not a thing to be won through small favors. Also for the record, holding the door open for me or being polite in general doesn’t mean you’re automatically good boyfriend material. It goes along with the idea that the second you do something right, you’re owed something; especially when you ONLY act politely for females. That’s immature and therefore shows how irresponsible of a person you really are and how little you really care. So stop equating politeness to the ability to be a respectable significant other, ass clowns! If you feel like you need a medal just because you have a dick and opened the door for someone who doesn’t have one, then you’re fucking retarded. You’re supposed to be polite, shit face.

Here’s another quick tip: If you claim that I say something that I haven’t or that I’m even insinuating something when you don’t know anything about my views on the matter it’s a very easy thing for me to now write you off as an idiot to the subject. If you are incapable of logic and cannot properly debate with me on anything then you shouldn’t even be speaking to me on the matter. Period. It is a surefire way to piss me off because it shows you’re not listening, you’re just talking.

There’s a whole lot of boys claiming to be decent men but whenever I ask them what makes them such I always get a blank stare. They can never come up with an actual reason behind their self image and therefore crumble when I ask that question.

Clearly what a man thinks of himself is going to differ than what other people think of him, and aren’t others entitled to their opinions? Are men just scared that their reasons aren’t going to measure up to the reality that they really have nothing impressive to say?

If you can’t back up your claims then what’s my reason for believing you? I’ve had guys that have never even been in relationships claim that they’re decent when in one. Really?? That doesn’t even make sense! How the fuck would you know that and why the fuck would I believe you?

So when I think of a decent man what do I think of?

I think of someone that complements a decent woman.

I think of someone who, if they found themselves with a mature woman who knows what she wants, what she deserves, and what her goals/ambitions are, wouldn’t make the woman feel as though she’s forced to settle for less than what she wants and deserves. I’m sure every woman has her own list of desires in a relationship based on her own personality but we can all agree on a few basic things:

• Loyalty / fidelity
• Love and respect
• Trust and honesty
• Substantial effort to work through problems
• Understanding of one another or the honest attempt to do so
• Responsibility*
• Communication*

If you’re incapable of providing these basic things, you don’t need to be in a relationship. Period. I don’t give a fuck what type of excuses you would like to make up for yourself, you’re fucking inadequate. And anyone who settles for anything less than this is a god damn moron.

But let’s move on to the real point.

A lot of straight men are in denial about the exponential decline in morale when it comes to dating because as usual they feel like they’re being blamed for everything. That’s not true, but they ARE responsible for half of it no?

And people in denial tend to say the same things over and over:

“But I’m not like that, you can’t just generalize because I’m an exception!”

First of all I don’t know that you’re an exception.
Second of all I don’t care if you are an exception; as previously stated your existence doesn’t negate a sociological observation because guess what? You’re NOT representative of all men, you’re only representative of yourself.

“Oh it must be you, it’s just your experiences. You must have bad luck!”

If it was just me then there wouldn’t be any of the following:

• Books on how to deal with men
• Books on how to “change” men
• Books on how to read signs from men
• Articles in magazines focused on decent men in the media
• A divorce rate over 50%
• Romance Movies and shows that focus on guys that are over the top amazing
• The need for 99% of my guy friends to be over protective of me whenever a new guy comes in my life, saying he’s there for sex most likely
• The stigma against men who aren’t sexually active
• A societal shift towards revering sluts and condemning virgins
• Media coverage on anyone in the spot light that fucks up their relationship
• A general agreement on the downfall of dating from a majority of both sides
• Foreigners refusing to date Americans except for something superficial like citizenship
• Romance novels
• Movies depicting fathers telling their sons how to get women through ALL the wrong ways
• 100+ emails, facebook messages, and tweets from people I didn’t even know read the blog anticipating this entry, all of different genders, sexual orientations, etc, especially women and homosexual men.

And the list goes on.

“Well if women weren’t X, Y, and Z men wouldn’t be this way!”

A real man doesn’t make excuses for his poor behavior, this is clearly a boy talking. I’ve encountered countless boys with shitty behavior, completely driven by hormones and bull shit drama but have I all of a sudden decided to throw in the towel on my morals? My standards? Fuck no!!

Just because it’s hard to find someone that meets my standards doesn’t mean I should lower them! That wouldn’t be fair to me and I’m not a fucking coward. And it doesn’t mean I should lower my own personal standards because it wouldn’t be fair for that potential to come to me and see me as just another unappealing ass clown trying to get him with minimal effort.

And every single time a woman acts sensibly towards you and decides that you’re just not the one she wants and decides to move on, what happens? She’s either deemed as crazy or unstable and you lash out at her. Yeah that’s a double standard I LOVE going through. /sarcasm.

You have no one to blame but yourself for your lack of honor and sensibility.

“Wah, you didn’t say anything good about boys though! You’re being unfair!”

If you notice I didn’t say anything good about women either. This actually reminds me of my ex’s cousin from Germany when she made a remark on babysitting American children:

“Americans spoil their children so much. Every time they do something right it’s always a pat on the back, a treat, and a ‘good job!’ thrown at them. That’s what they’re supposed to do! Why reward them for doing what they’re supposed to do?? Reward them for being even better! Americans just baby their children.”

And this is exactly how I feel about anyone who whines about me not praising them. First of all if I don’t even know what I’m praising you for, ie you haven’t shown me any proof of you being a decent guy to date then don’t ask me to praise you for it because I won’t. I’m not going to sit here and lie about you.

Second of all I don’t HAVE to spare your ego every time I criticize something by commenting on what’s “nice” about you. You’re a grown ass man, you should be able to take some criticism by now! You should be doing what’s right despite whether or not you get praised for it!

I don’t get praised for not being a cum guzzling slut now do I? But does that mean I need a pat on the back every time I’m not blowing someone to keep it up? Hell no! I’m a grown ass woman, not some deranged and confused teenage bimbo trying to win the love of scrawny little high school boys!

And what’s so incredible is you fuckers keep missing the point that I said from the very beginning!

I. AM. GENERALIZING.

If you can’t figure out that generalization leaves room for exception then you should kindly just shut the fuck up right now and go enroll in some basic logic courses and a couple of sociology courses. And as I said before, the existence of an exception, both logically and sociologically, is NOT enough to denounce an entire large scale observation.

So no I, as a woman who has loved and continues to love HARD those that deserve it despite American bull shit, don’t care if you’re going to claim to be an exception. I, as that woman, don’t give two shits if you’re crying in denial that finding a man capable of those basic qualities listed above is about as difficult as finding one of Disney’s child stars not doing drugs in their twenties.

And most importantly I as that woman don’t give two shits about what YOU think of what I say or who I am because here’s a flash of reality: 99.9% of you have absolutely no clue who you’re fucking talking to. You have NO CLUE about my experiences and how they’ve affected me*, my views, or anything of the sort. Even my best friend in the world isn’t aware of a lot of things I have done/went through/etc because I put those things on a strictly “need to know” basis.

And this clearly doesn’t just apply to me, but MANY women. And those who have found decent guys KNOW how lucky they are, they don’t deny it! Whenever a woman writes about a man that’s treating her right and truly makes her heart flutter what does she say?

“I’m lucky to have found someone like you.”

Don’t believe me? Go check your Facebook. The bitch doesn’t ever say “well you’re great though I’ve seen better.”

And here is a serious question to all those straight men trying to deny this blatantly obvious sociological degradation: WHEN HAVE YOU EVER GONE SEARCHING FOR A DECENT MAN TO DATE?

What’s YOUR criteria? Had any luck lately? If you’ve never dated another straight male, how can you really vouch for anyone but yourself?

Some Softer Insight

Some of you have even asked “well you must be hard to please then, what the fuck do you want from a guy??”

All the basics I stated above in a man, and a personality that is compatible with mine. Simple, no?

Perhaps it’s a generational thing. My parents taught me to never settle for anything less than what I desire just because it might fit the desires of someone else. My father, who is as liberal as they come, even told me to be careful about boys but to be strong towards men.

It is the reason that none of my past boyfriends have made the cut – if they did they would have met my father. I would never DARE to bring someone who is less than a man with good intentions in front of my father, no matter how much I might have liked him.

Nowadays parents rarely step into these matters whatsoever for some reason. Outside of the typical ill explained threats towards their kids for hanging out with certain people, rarely do you see parents actually providing insight and dating advice.

I was raised to know and feel the difference. To know when I’ve truly found someone above all the rest.

Another thing is that being a very visual person I would have to find all of those qualities in my “type.” For instance I’m a sucker for guys with long hair, I can’t help it. Nothing is a bigger turn on for me physically than guys with very clean hair in a pony tail, intense eyes, and a strong back. ❤

Dear American Men,

“Women want men, not whiny bitches who quit on them when the going gets tough; they don’t want the distant, self absorbed clowns with attitudes that are a dime (or in this recession a penny) a dozen. ”

“Women want security; emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually, intellectually, and sometimes financially.” (I’m more of the independent type when it comes to money but I do require someone with a damn job; I refuse to be a sugar mommy.)

“Whenever a guy complains about his significant other always being upset, unhappy, or angry with them I always ask “well what have you done to change that?” The only reason her emotions are consistent is because you’re being consistent in making her that way. “

Keep in mind these quotes came from another blogger – a married male blogger. You should take the hint.

Any questions about what I DID SAY?

p/s: This goes out to all clueless individuals in the dating world (in America). I choose to focus on men in America because (duh) that’s who I’m looking at to date. You can cry all you want about how this applies to women too, I know that already.

pp/s: If you have taken the time to reflect on yourself and still feel as though you’re one of those one in a million guys that women go for, then that’s fine. I don’t care how you feel about it unless you’re trying to date me and I’m genuinely interested (I won’t be, most likely). That’s not to be snobby, it’s just in general a lot of people hit on me, and my kill death ratio in that department is rather high because well, I’m not looking for the typical guy in case you didn’t read that part.

DADT Repealed!

I’m in the process of writing another blog, one that’s very significant towards recent events and discussions so it’s going to take quite some time to write/edit etc. However I’m almost finished!

In the mean time though I wanted to update on something that I find to be incredibly important, the Repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

According to the LA Times the Senate has voted to repeal DADT, allowing openly homosexual people to serve in the US military without fear of punishment. This is a huge milestone in the gay rights movement and I’m amazed that people are finally coming to their senses in the matter.

I can’t say I’m proud of the US very often, but at this moment I’m pretty proud of this achievement. It takes a lot to get people to realize how stupid they can be after all, especially when they’re politicians.

I watched the discussion about it live from CNN and I was especially happy to hear this one politician speak and say the following:

“You say it’s a distraction to have openly gay soldiers in the military, and a dangerous one at that. It is far more of a threat to the American people to have their army weakened by dismissing more and more soldiers for absolutely no reason. The people serving in the military don’t have a problem serving with homosexuals, the only one that has a problem is you. What matters is how they serve this country, not who they love at home.”

Over 13,500 soldiers have been dismissed from the US military since 1993 for being homosexual.

“The Senate has taken an historic step toward ending a policy that undermines our national security while violating the very ideals that our brave men and women in uniform risk their lives to defend,” President Obama said in a prepared statement.” By ending ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,” no longer will our nation be denied the service of thousands of patriotic Americans forced to leave the military, despite years of exemplary performance, because they happen to be gay. And no longer will many thousands more be asked to live a lie in order to serve the country they love.

“It is time to close this chapter in our history,” he stated. “It is time to recognize that sacrifice, valor and integrity are no more defined by sexual orientation than they are by race or gender, religion or creed. It is time to allow gay and lesbian Americans to serve their country openly. I urge the Senate to send this bill to my desk so that I can sign it into law.”

It’s about damn time.

chronicles of okc: black pride or arrogance?

Note: This is a rant, which means it’ll probably end up being longer than it was intended to be. You’ve been warned!

For those of you that know me (and my family) intimately enough you’ll know that my nationalities are a bit confusing, if not random. My father is a mix of mothers Russia and Japan. My mother is pure bred Nubian and I look almost exactly like her.

For those of you (and this is directed towards African Americans especially) that do not actually know what it means to be Nubian let me explain it to you. I see far too many Black people claiming to be “Nubian.” Unless you are part of, or descending from, a tribe of about eight families left in the actual region taking up Egypt and northern Sudan (aka Nubia) you are not Nubian.

I suppose I feel like how a New Yorker would feel if they saw someone wearing an “I love New York” t-shirt on a person that’s never even been – frustrated. Go love your own goddamn state, for fucks sake. Or in this case, your own damn nationality.

And just like that New Yorker, I do realize why people seem to think it’s cool to show such pride for something they have clearly no understanding of; Nubia is stereotyped to be attractive, far more than what it is; you always hear about “Nubian kings and queens.” What the fuck ever.

That’s not how it is now, the dynasty has LONG fallen. What’s so glamorous about us now? We’re virtually extinct!

Nonetheless I’m very proud of my heritage, ALL parts of my heritage. I have great respect for all three nations that run through my blood. Too often that’s just not acceptable to others, especially Black people.

It’s obvious that Egypt doesn’t fully identify with the African continent. The culture is far more congruent with that of the Middle East considering 98% of people in Egypt today are descendants of immigrants from the Middle East.

Whenever someone makes the comment that “Egyptians are Black” it’s a statement that’s not completely correct. It’s like calling a Sicilian, Italian; it’s like not knowing the difference between someone who is Eritrean and someone who is Ethiopian. In short they’re similar, but they are most certainly not the same.

From a foreigner’s point of view, I see Black as different than African American – the definition for a “Black” person widely varies depending on what country you look at and the historical influence. I personally define someone who is “African American” as someone who was born in Africa and then came to the states; a “Black” person is someone of African descent, but is already here. Make sense?

Sidenote: One of my friends decided that everything that’s evil in the world was within me based on my nationality lmao.

On OKC one of the questions they ask is your race. You get the option to “check all that apply.” I obviously checked Arab, Asian, and White. I decided to elaborate on it within the “About ME” (emphasis on ME) box, and include my nationalities. But like I said, I always see African Americans being more understanding of my nationalities and Black people just utterly hateful.

I get this message from this one douchebag that makes a comment about my nationalities that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

“Egyptian, Russian, and Japanese. And let’s not forget the most obvious but never the favored BLACK lol”

First of all you can’t just throw another race in there just because you feel like it, asshole. Second of all if you’re so insecure as to sit there and express that I should put “Black” in my profile because you feel as if I’m avoiding it then that’s YOUR problem.

Why the fuck would I put “Black” underneath my nationalities? Black ain’t no country I’ve ever heard of! I’m well aware that I look like a race that I’m not – MANY people do. Ask any Hispanic or Asian how many times their nationality has been mistaken for something else.

My response?

“I would call myself Black if that was what I was, but I’m of Arab/Nubian descent.”

Clearly this won’t fly by him, and he doesn’t take the hint.

“I know .. but it’s not on your mixology thingy so that’s why it caught my eye Nubian is missing…”

Now that you’ve all had a brief history lesson by me, you should be able to tell why I’m frustrated. Having Egypt as part of my nationality IS the Nubian part dip shit!

Me: “No, Nubian is not missing. I notice this trend around a lot of African Americans, calling themselves Nubian. Unless you are part of my tribe in Egypt and northern Sudan, which by the way is almost to the point of extinction, you are not Nubian. You are African American or Black.

Please educate yourself before trying to insinuate that I need some form of Black pride when you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

Him: “lol Just say Nubian and stop trying to be white .. cuz you’re not – that’s all .. silly”

Me: “How am I trying to be White? I’m part Russian, I’m not going to ignore my heritage just so you can try to claim me. You are so fucking stupid, it’s ridiculous. Typical Black male.”

I am saying the following to the African American / Black / Fake Nubian community:

Educate yourself before speaking.

I am ridiculously exhausted of being told I’m “trying to be White” just because I’m educated, I speak proper English, I don’t obsess over shitty rappers, nor act ghetto. By saying I’m trying to act White all you’re REALLY saying is that Black people can’t be ANY of those things, including educated and well spoken. Do you not realize how fucking stupid it makes yourself look?

And to really sit there and try to claim me for Team Negro? Fuck you, I don’t feel the need to define myself by the color of my skin. I am me, and will be referred to as such. So before you talk about shit you have absolutely NO FUCKING IDEA about in a failed attempt at Black pride, know who the fuck you’re talking to!

In saying that others are “trying to be White” you’re succumbing to the belief that White people are superior to you. It’s a bitchy cop out from fear of originality. Right now, you’re trying to say that I’m attempting to be … a fourth of what I already am???

ADURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

This boy is literally too stupid to talk to, he was blocked promptly because I have absolutely no tolerance for bull shit, especially ignorant bull shit.

If I date someone outside of my race, I’m a “cop out” and I’m “trying to be White” no matter what the race of my significant other is, unless he’s Hispanic.

Black people, I know you’re fucking mad because you feel you have to date within your race to be acceptable and that because of that you feel limited when people within your race don’t date other people that look like you. But I personally don’t give a shit.

I wasn’t brought up with that mindset and it irritates me to no end for people to make a big deal about ANYONE dating outside of their race. Does it make you uncomfortable? GOOD. Go chew on a dick to make yourself feel better!

There’s nothing biologically advantageous nor morally consistent about dating within your race; it literally makes no fucking difference except to racists. And I understand everyone will be attracted to people based on certain features that will predominantly be found in certain races, I GET THAT.

But that doesn’t give you the right to harass others for not being attracted to you, nor does it mean you should make your own life even harder by simply writing off an entire group of people without even giving them a look.

But if you want to limit yourself, that’s your issue, not mine.

So you can sit there and hate about me having friends, boyfriends, lovers, benefactors, sex slaves, and all around amazing people there for me that aren’t necessarily Black all you want; it’s your loss. And if you’re Black and you’re my friend I love you just the same as all my other friends, no more no less. So don’t bother asking for more just because of our similarities.

I don’t value my female friends more just because I have a vagina. I actually value them less. Just kidding. (Not really)

/end rant.

chronicles of okc: battling lesbians one vagina at a time

Sometimes on OKC I’ll get these females (bisexuals and lesbians alike) that feel it’s necessary to gawk at me and express just how “beautiful” I am. Don’t misunderstand, I do not at all take offense to people complimenting my appearance: but I do realize that in these situations they’re trying to hit on me and endless flattery isn’t the way to do it. Even a lion gets bored of others stroking his mane.

Some of them are very blunt and ask if I’m interested in having a threesome with them and their boyfriend. No, I am not interested in contracting any diseases you’ve already had the displeasure of sharing with one another, for the record. I think it’s about time people stopped asking me that.

And sometimes they’ll be genuinely curious about your personality and therefore try to pull the same manipulative tactics to try to determine who I am through short and ill thought out questions as they would do to a man if they were straight.

The following is the account of just such an occasion where a “real lesbian” (her phrase, not mine) decided to enter into a battle of the vagina minds. I already had an issue with her because she typed in all capital letters and had terrible grammar and spelling (which I will correct for the sake of literacy).

Side topic: There is absolutely no fucking reason for you to press Caps Lock before you have a conversation with someone. It’s absolutely idiotic and obnoxious to write in such a way and yes I will interpret as you being a loud person in general and I despise loud people.

The conversation started off as us talking about how I’m allergic to chocolate, caramel, and grass clippings. The typical ice breaking conversation ensued, a lot of “where are you from’s” and “what do you do’s” were passed. I learned that she’s fascinated with the fact that I’m virtually all alone in this state (all of my family is either out of state or out of the country) and that her parents passed away a long time ago and her plan is to move in with her sister.

Her fascination came by the fact that I’m an only child. And then she sprung this on me:

Lesbian: My best friend is an only child as well, and my daughter is gonna be an only child.

– Pause –

As someone who knows several gay couples with children I understand the concept that everyone can have kids, either through adoption or sperm donors. The more common option is adoption since sperm donors are so expensive, and since earlier in the conversation she mentioned that she was in between jobs I thought it would make sense to assume that adoption was the reason why this child was brought to be. But then she follows up with this tidbit of information:

Me: Was she adopted?

Lesbian: No. Do you have a problem with  lesbians having kids?

Me: Why would I have a problem with it? I just find it peculiar that you’re reproducing as a lesbian when a man’s presence would be required.

Lesbian: Well I don’t think that way! I have no interest in men but at the time I couldn’t afford a donor so I did it the old fashioned way! And I don’t regret it because I’m still a full all the way lesbian!

– Pause –

So right now she’s telling me that she’s a lesbian that takes dick. Not only that but she actually found someone willing to fuck her and give her a child at the risk of her turning around and claiming child support for a kid he didn’t even want.

Not to mention the fact that she’s got some over the top gay pride going on. She seems to be in denial of the fact that no one cares if she’s fitting into some designated label or not. I don’t care if she had sex with a dude whatsoever. It’s not like I’m about to mock her and call her a fraud. It looks like she’s trying to convince herself, not me.

She then asks me a bunch of random stuff about movies and hobbies before blurting out: “Hey are you more attracted in females or males, or is it equal?”

Let me explain something to my readers. I believe the female form is far more beautiful. It might be because I’m biased (being a female, and a narcissistic one at that) but I find my form to be far more attractive than that of a male’s. That being said, I have the hardest time relating to females and bonding with them. Most of my closest female friends aren’t really all that feminine. Hence why a vast majority of my friends are male and why I prefer to date males and never females.

In an attempt to explain this to her she decided that this logic was confusing to her. I didn’t understand how difficult of a concept that really was but I didn’t press it further. I don’t particularly care if she understands my line of thinking, after all.

Lesbian: So have you ever been intimate with a man?

Me: *flash backs of all the times spent with ex boyfriends* Yes.

Lesbian: Yeah girls in my opinion are better than most guys.

(No shit, you’re a lesbian. Kind of. One that takes dick.)

Lesbian: Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman?

Me: Yes, but I honestly can’t date most girls. They annoy me too much.

Lesbian: So you just sleep with them??

Me: Pretty much, despite how I can be pretty cold hearted to them. I found out recently a girl has fallen in love with me and wants to sleep with me but I refuse to do so because I don’t have any feelings towards her and it’s clear that she’ll want a relationship out of it. I don’t want to break her heart.

Lesbian: I can see how you’re cold hearted to women! Why don’t you just leave them alone instead of using them for sex?

Me: If I simply wanted to use someone for sex I’d blatantly ignore this girl’s feelings and have sex with her. You seem to have missed that point. Besides, every girl I’ve been with knew what she was doing and they are just as responsible. They can take care of themselves.

Lesbian: Well they must be crazy because if I’m a REAL LESBIAN I’m not going to have sex with a girl that wants nothing but sex, I just think their standards are very low.

Me: I won’t lie and say that every person I’ve been with is someone I genuinely wanted a relationship out of. However my standards are very high for dating as well as for intimacy.

Lesbian: You are no better than a man!!

Me: How so? Are we playing double standards? Is it all of a sudden just ok for a man to be able to enjoy meaningless sex but not okay for a woman? The girls I’ve been with aren’t some innocent victims! If I was as bad as you seem to be making me try to appear I would have already slept with this girl, wouldn’t I?

Lesbian: I never said you were a bad person I’m just defensive of lesbians over bisexuals and confused women, I don’t think we should court people like that because most times they get hurt. I never have that’s why I stick to nothing but real lesbians!!

Me: Being a lesbian all of a sudden doesn’t make you more capable of loving someone than a bisexual or a man, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean you’re gonna act differently than either of us. A lesbian can hurt you just as easily, a lesbian doesn’t have to all of a sudden care about your feelings either. It’s not that I don’t value relationships; if I didn’t I wouldn’t be on OKC to begin with. But I’m not gonna sit here and pretend like only certain types of people have the potential to hurt/disappoint me when it comes to relationships. I keep my standards high and my desires well in my sight to remind myself to never settle for anything less than what I deserve.

Lesbian: So is that why you just have sex with women?? So you don’t get hurt? Are you scared of getting hurt by a woman??

Me: I can’t get attached to a woman emotionally to begin with so it would be rather difficult for me to get hurt by them.

Lesbian: So you have no emotions when you have sex with them?? How do you do that??

Me: The only emotion present would be lust. I don’t necessarily have to love someone to have sex with them, I’m a human. That would be a ridiculous notion.

Lesbian: But you don’t seem to like them either, you only want to screw them! It has nothing to do with love!

Me: It’s not like I’m demeaning women by hating them and fucking them out of hatred and rage. Every girl I’ve slept with has been a friend of mine. It doesn’t mean I see them as useless sex objects it means I see them as people I’m sexually attracted to.

Lesbian: I don’t know, but like you said everybody has different ways of liking women. I really just thought you were treating them as sex objects and I was offended for a minute. I just really try to avoid women like you but you’re a very good person to talk to. Again not a bad person but I’m into girls on a whole ‘nother level than you can even imagine.

Me: Let me explain something to you. You have absolutely no clue who I am, what I’ve experienced nor what my expectations are. You have no clue how I treat others nor are you capable of comprehending the absolute HELL that I have been through when it comes to love. So before you start trying to place me on some fictional level you just made up, I highly suggest not judging me nor what I’m capable of.

She then went on to talk about how I judged her for having a child. For the record as long as she’s a good parent I don’t care how the child got there. But one shouldn’t sit there and tell others they’re a lesbian and then say that their child isn’t adopted nor from the sperm bank and HONESTLY EXPECT people to not have questions as to how they got there!

She said that it was the way I said it, that I don’t think lesbians should have children because they’re gay. I have no fucking clue whatsoever how she deduced that from asking the mere question of whether or not the kid was adopted. She’s clearly very insecure and has issues with herself.

And she really wonders why I (and many men) don’t feel like making a connection with women? They’re bat shit fucking insane that’s why!

She claims that she was being respectable towards me but I decided not to listen to her whatsoever. I had a guest coming over so I closed my laptop and ignored this cunt for the rest of the night.

Logging in the next day I find a message on OKC from her saying this:

Lesbian: You could have said “bye.” I still wanna be your friend and start over, but only if you want to. We have different view points and opinions and things got hasty and aggressive but you make the choice. Toodles.

I have no idea why but I immediately got even further annoyed when she used the word “toodles” like people just say shit like that anymore. Cunt. Either way I responded with this:

You seem to have some pent up hatred for men and bisexuals so I doubt that will work between us. You seem to think you’ve got everything figured out about love when you really haven’t a clue, nor do you seem to realize that you being a lesbian doesn’t put you above anyone else nor does it mean you’re more capable of loving women. You’re extremely judgmental and thrive on double standards between men and women and I personally can’t deal with people like that.

I think I can safely conclude that I hate all “real lesbians” now. Thanks for ruining your cause by annoying the FUCK out of me, bitch face.

chronicles of okc: smothered by seamen

I’m really starting to think that the people on OKC are absolutely insane. I’ve ultimately made my decision to attempt to delete my site, though I still have a lot of stories I have yet to share with you. This one in particular is absolutely batshit insane.

Our first date happened at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. We shared a mediocre dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe (nothing against the cafe, I absolutely adore it – our food just wasn’t on point that day for some reason).

I should have realized something was up when at the end of the meal the waitress asked how the meal was and instead of the traditional bite of the tongue, he decided to actually tell her what he thought of the meal.

Let me explain something to you from the perspective of a former waitress at the Cheesecake Factory – if I ask you a question like that it’s merely a courtesy. It’s not that I don’t care, but unless it’s at the beginning of the meal that comment is of no consequence to me. I won’t be returning a full plate to the chef with a critique and I also won’t be making a mental note to tell the chef next time that this one particular customer didn’t like his steak that evening. The chef doesn’t give a shit, he’s not being paid off commission like we are!

Our date then continued to a walk on the boardwalk, chatting about random things. He actually had a decent sense of humor but some of the things he said stuck out to me.

“I’m 26, I’m at a point in my life where I don’t have time for games. I’m very mature and I don’t like it when people are immature. “

I don’t understand what his age has to do with it, especially now. Being 26 doesn’t mean you’re automatically more mature sweet heart. The fact that he had to sit there and claim his maturity is a problem for me, who is he trying to convince? I don’t listen to words honey, I only take a look at actions.

Because the movie was super late and our dinner ended sooner than expected, we decided to chill at his place for a little bit. He decided to pull some cheesy move like turning on the fireplace.

First of all there’s nothing romantic about a fiery glow flashing off of a trashy apartment. Second of all nothing is going to happen between us, so you might as well stop wasting gas now.

After talking for a while I learned a couple of things about him. He’s in the navy (hence the title) but he can’t swim. EXPLAIN THAT ONE TO ME. I also learned that his last girlfriend faked a pregnancy so he wouldn’t leave. Really? From what I can see so far the brotha’ isn’t that great.

Then he makes a fatal mistake – he asked if I liked to cook. First of all bitch, I don’t even cook for starving children, why the fuck would I cook for you? Second of all you’ve got two very capable hands. You’ve been cooking for yourself THIS damn long, why stop now? YOU should be the one cooking for ME, this is your damn house!

He then asked if he went to the store and bought some cookie dough if I’d bake him some cookies.

… Nigga you can’t read directions? It ain’t that damn hard! You can follow orders but you can’t put some cookie dough in 1 1/2 inch diameters, set them two inches apart, preheat oven to 400 degrees and place the pan in the oven for 8-9 minutes or until brown nigga?

He tries to kiss me, I fail to return said kiss. Clearly he’s trying to have sex with me by the way he’s moving around me and for some odd reason I was bursting with laughter on the inside.

I especially found it amusing when he was wearing a cross on his neck, really sticking to your faith there huh? I told him no, and he still tried. He’s turning into borderline rapist here. I told him that he better drive me back immediately, and he did.

The next day he apologized and I accepted the apology. That night he said he  missed me and asked if I wanted to see him. I told him that calling me at 2am is not a good look and that if he can’t call me during the proper hours then he needs to find another bitch to call.

It’s obvious what you want dipshit.

He got an attitude with me and I told him that it was simply over between us and that there’s no reason to call me. I don’t sit and deal with immature little boys claiming to be men.

This time no apology or anything. Typical.

A week later he messages me saying the same shit: “I miss you, do you wanna see me?” I reply with simply: “No.”

Then he, like so many other Black men tend to do these days (and it really fucking pisses me off) tries to play the victim and decides it’s the mature thing to do to send me 100+ text messages in an attempt to insult me. Mother fucker I have VERIZON. You have AT&T. Verizon doesn’t play that shit! Good thing you were dumb enough to leave your credit card information out in the open and it’s a damn good thing I’m great at remembering numbers because bitch, YOU are paying my phone bill!

Going through the usual rejection sequence:

“Bitch you’re crazy!!”

So I’m crazy because I rejected you? I think that makes me pretty sane.

“I don’t need you, you fucking whore!”

That’s good to know, because if you did you’d be crazily stalking me and writing me angry messages… oh wait.

“I get bitches before, during, and after you!”

So why are you so upset then? It doesn’t look like you do.

“And you wonder why your ex cheated on you!!”

No I don’t wonder why actually. I know why. Because he’s a dickless coward with daddy issues. Doesn’t have shit to do with me.

“Good luck finding somebody else!!”

*sings* to the left to the left… mmmm…You must not know ’bout meeeee you must not know ’bout meeee, I could have another YOU in a minute, and in fact he’ll be here in a minute… baybayyyy ❤

Then the text messages just keep coming with the same old shit until this one text message pops up: “Wow this is crazy, adults don’t say things like this. I wish you the best.”

What??? Did Captain Fail just attempt at trying to be the bigger person after cursing me out for the past 2 hours while I sat around saying pretty much nothing the entire time?? He then feels the need to repeat what he said as if all of a sudden that would make everything better?

The bitch is psychotic. I told him to go fuck himself in the ass with something sand-papery and covered in AIDS.

Not three days ago he decides to text me saying “Hi, how are you?”

 

… Really bro? That’s how you roll? You think that after another week rolls by that I’m just gonna forget all the shit you just said to me?

I didn’t respond to that text either. I decide to check my messages.

I check my e-mail(s), my Facebook, and finally OKC to see if any of the friends I’ve made left me a message. I click on “Visitors” and who do I see??

 

I didn’t bother to blur out his name: if any other OKC users see this person they need to know what’s up. THAT and you can heavily down rate him if you’re a member. 😉

I actually plan on getting a restraining order on him. It’s too unfortunate that he knows where I live, even if it is slightly difficult for him to find me within the building, I don’t take chances. That and he has that persona of a stalker. GOOD THING the police station is literally right outside my window.

Thanks Walker Ave Apts for making sure this tiny princess is uber safe. 🙂

That or I’ll just get my buddy Jesse to kick his ass. Martial Arts for the fucking win?

Where to Blog?

For the past 10 or so years I’ve been a blogger. I’ve moved and experienced various blogging platforms and I must say it’s very difficult to decide where a person should blog. A couple of people have asked me for advice on what platforms to use so I decided to do a brief entry on the different platforms I’ve experienced.

– Xanga –

When I first started blogging Xanga was at the peak of its popularity. My generation was probably the most active generation on Xanga and now that we’ve all moved on with our lives no one honestly gives two shits about Xanga. It used to be a place where people (read emos) wrote about their shit lives, brief moments of happiness, and reblogged over the same entry with every update to accumulate the number of comments they’ve received in a weak attempt to look popular. Web design for the site was at its most prominent and people genuinely wrote for themselves and not for the approval of others. Oh how things have changed!

The Xanga community nowadays has pulled a complete 180. Xanga has split up into several sister sites that focus on special topics, such as Lovelyish for fashion (read Cosmo reading bimbo) bloggers, Revelife for the more spiritual (read uber Christian zealot) bloggers, and Mancouch, a blog site focused on straight men (read women trying to act like men for approval) and their stereotypical ways (aka shortcomings).

Most of the bloggers on Xanga are very representative of the American population – far below the average human intelligence level, yet desperately flaunting such ignorance for approval. To gain popularity in the Xanga world is to never blog for yourself; you must always blog for the sake of being controversial and riling emotions out of other bloggers. In the Xanga population this is very easy to do, as whenever just the slightest bit of drama arises the entire blogging community will feel it’s their duty to blog about it and put in their two cents.

As for customization of blogs, those with web design experience have long left. Hence the “themes” section of Xanga, where poorly made designs with pixelated images reign supreme. I’d say about 90% of the web layouts that people use/have on Xanga are equivalent to horse shit set on fire with a blow torch; they’re eye sores and they smell funny. For someone with web designing experience they could go to Premium sections of the site where placing their own HTML code is as simple as Blogger‘s template page, but for a price. In order to get the most out of this (highly useless and life killing) site you’ll need to pay the premiums.

I suppose if you plan on being a troll or you simply want attention, Xanga is the place to be.

– Livejournal –

Livejournal used to be the place to be for people who ran various types of communities – web design, graphic design, emotional support, etc. Livejournal’s set up is rather confusing and disorganized. In order to do half the things you’d like to do you’d have to go through a labyrinth of links to get to where you need to be. If Livejournal could clean up their set up it would make for a great blogging community if it weren’t for one thing…

The community is dead! No one uses Livejournal anymore unless they’re really desperate to keep their blog hidden from their friends and family. Most of the community forums haven’t been updated in years, not that there’s that many to choose from to begin with either. I wouldn’t recommend Livejournal for anyone who is just starting to enter the blogging scene, or really anyone for that matter.

– Blogger –

Powered by Google, so if you have a g-mail account you automatically have a Blogger account as well. Simply go to Blogger.com and type in your e-mail address and password to see your dashboard.

Over the years Blogger has been dominated by foreign bloggers, and fewer and fewer American bloggers are turning to the platform to blog. Unlike Xanga and Livejournal, customization is very easy and straightforward. Sure, there are some quirks with the site here and there but all technicalities aside it’s a very good platform. The idea of a “community” is rather taboo however. Most people you’ll encounter on Blogger are people you’ve already known in real life and they told you OR through a site that has something to do with some aspect of blogging and people simply use it to network, such as Blogskins.com; an American based site focused on (shitty and repetitive) web design. 99% of the contributers on the site are 13 year old Singaporeans. That should say something to you.

While having the e-mail/blog bundle is extremely convenient, Blogger makes it very difficult to network. Several famous bloggers such as Xiaxue have used this platform as the basis for their fame, but even most of them started off simply blogging for themselves and fellow classmates during grade school. A lot of them have even expressed regret for starting off on Blogger, and would rather have used platforms such as our next one.

– WordPress –

WordPress is a far more professional blogging platform. It’s very clean cut and easy to communicate with people with similar interests and blog topics. The only problem I see so far is that by itself it lacks a sense of style. Customization of one’s blog is a painful process with WordPress. However if you’re willing to put in the work for a website and simply use WordPress to power it, then WordPress is the place for you.

– Tumblr –

If you own a Mac more likely than not you own a Tumblr. The great thing about Tumblr (like Blogger and WordPress) is that changing your url is quite simple. Other sites like Xanga often make you pay to change your url, or contribute a certain amount of time in the community before allowing you to do so. If you’re interested in simply looking at tons and tons of reblogged posts/images all the while making no real connection with anyone else on the site, then Tumblr is the place to be. Serious bloggers don’t blog on Tumblr, they just go to Tumblr for fun.

However Tumblr is becoming so popular amongst the mindless that it’s often experiencing down time, something not at all good for the popular blogging site. However the entire point of the site is to be able to quickly share ideas, and no other site does this better than Tumblr.

– Twitter –

Everyone on the damn planet has a Twitter. You can pretty much follow anyone you can think of on the website and pretend like you’re cool enough to have a conversation with every celebrity you find on the site by @ messaging them. 9 times out of 10 they don’t even see your tweet; either they ignore all their @ messages or it’s actually their agent that’s managing their twitter. Yes, this is your cue to run to your designated corner and cry in the fetal position.

While Twitter has its ups and downs (referring to their server here), it has proven to be quite useful amongst businesses and common people alike. I admit, I don’t tweet as often as others do – I am too busy doing other things to have Twitter glued to me at all times, I don’t even have a Twitter app on my phone! But it’s a great way to get people to find you based on similar interests, as well as give brief information on various things in a quick and efficient manner. People can even receive your messages through the phone if they so choose to.

In the blogging world I would advise others to use Twitter as a means to advertise themselves; what they do, who they have networked with, and when they’ve updated their blogs. Twitter is a great compliment to any other blogging site.

 

If you know of any other blogging site that you feel should be mentioned don’t hesitate to let me know. I’m on Tumblr right now and I keep constantly getting this page:

 

 

It truly almost made me want to move back to Blogger.

an unusual critic cont’d – disc two

And now we’re on to disc two and the final entry of the infamous three part blog series. If you didn’t read the first two you can find them here and here.

So this fool starts off the second disc by talking about Dementors. For those that don’t know, in the Harry Potter series these are beings in dark cloaks whose sole purpose is to suck the happiness out of your life (literally) through your dick mouth, and eventually your soul. *cue lightning flash*

Anyway she seems to be insinuating that through reading about the concept of a Dementor children will have a greater desire to kill themselves.

…

I’m gonna let you absorb that notion for a second.

…

Ok. WHAT!??

Clearly even if kids were dumb enough to think that these beings exist in real life she must have missed the part where one could easily protect themselves using the Patronus charm. But then again she’d argue that witchcraft in any form is evil even when trying to protect yourself. She’s like the muggle form of this:

(True HP fans would know who this is and why I say that.)

“Eleven people around me have died from suicide… by their own hands.”

Yeah I don’t know why that last part needed to be added. That’s the definition of suicide ass clown. You can’t get someone else to commit suicide for you, last I checked. Correct me if I’m wrong.

“Back in my mother’s day, movies were made so that the good guy always won. Nowadays it’s ok for the bad guy to win and walk away.”

Spoiler Alert: Voldemort dies. Absolutely no walking involved.
Clearly she didn’t read the books or else she would have known that the ending consists of Voldemort getting his ass handed to him, the Death Eaters disappearing, Harry fucking Ron’s sister while Ron gets it on with Hermione, etc, etc.  The moral cliche of “good” defeating “evil” is still there, it just took J.K. Rowling seven goddamn (delightful) books to do it.

“There’s this new thing called Paganism.”

That’s not new honey. The commercialization of Paganism might be a more recent trend (and even then not at all that recent when you think about it) but the religious aspects behind it aren’t at all new.

“I don’t like Disney, it’s too wild now but look at even old Disney when I was a kid, where the witch would die and got burnt and they weren’t defeated by another source of power but by someone righteous.”

Yeah and things like Coal Black were also acceptable.

She then goes on to say that kids nowadays are desensitized to crime, sex, and profanity because of our media. I personally don’t consider that a bad thing. Not to say that you should be letting your 10 year old watch porn and bad movies (or even just the news these days) but I don’t see her point in bringing it up when that’s completely irrelevant (once again) to Harry Potter.

“Things like The Hobbit causes curiosities and cravings that are easily satisfied by darker real world attractions.”

That’s funny because when I read The Hobbit I didn’t have a desire to go into witchcraft since that was such a minor theme in the entire plot (hint Carol, read before you speak). And in reading the six book series of The Lord of the Rings I didn’t find myself having the urge to get my ass kicked by an old wizard, nor walk thousands of miles to drop my bling into a volcano, all the while relying on some bony, psychotic freak with two personalities sporting a nasty ass loin cloth.

So if you want to say that things like The Lord of the Rings cause kids to have the urge to go into the occult then you’ve clearly missed the theme of the book series and you’ve also underestimated the competence level of children. By the time someone is at the appropriate reading level to even read the Lord of the Rings they’re closer to adulthood anyway!

“People say that kids know that it’s just a book, and they know better than to take it seriously. But do they? The author said she’s never had a kid come up to her that’s read her books that said they wanted to become a witch, but I know there are tons of kids that are so enamored with Harry Potter that they DO want to learn witch craft and wish it were a reality for them.”

First of all, where are you finding these kids and why are you talking to them without their parents present? Second of all you’re clearly misunderstanding any kid that says they wish Harry Potter was real. Let me explain what’s actually going on in their minds.

*ahem*

THEIR LIVES ARE BORING AS HELL.

Naturally they’ll want to day dream about having a more interesting life, why do you think the Sims game was even invented? Everyone likes to think about things they’d rather be doing! If I had to choose between seeing my ugly old professors and learning nothing or seeing their ugly old professors and learning the history of werewolves which one do you really think I’d pick? It’s not because I have a desire to go to Hogwarts and become a witch (aka go to Universal Studios and spend all my money at the HP gift shop); it’s because I have a desire to not have a boring ass life.

She then goes on to talk about ouija (pronounces weegee) boards for about 10 minutes, boring the hell out of me and wishing I had pulled a ‘Reducto’ on this bitch’s face.

“The devil is smart. The Christian realm had to be invaded and it had to be invaded in such a way that appeared innocent through entertainment. I’m not saying J.R. Rowlings is the devil I’m just saying he’s brought into this Christian world the very thing that God has warned us against.”

Can you spot all the things wrong with this statement? I can!

1. Once again got the author’s name wrong.
2. Now the bitch has even gotten the author’s GENDER incorrect.
3. She’s accusing the author essentially of helping Satan out because Satan totally needed these books to get to the minds of children. It’s not like he has powers or anything. /sarcasm.
4. THIS IS NOT A CHRISTIAN WORLD. This a world with a lot of obnoxious Christians IN IT such as yourself, but believe it or not whore there are other religions that tend to bring about more SANE people. (Buddhism for the mother fucking WIN).

“There are muggles, mindless beings that don’t believe in magic. You can put me on that list.”

Putting Carol on the list of mindless beings. Check.

“They make Harry look like Christ by letting him live when others died.”

Isn’t that the reverse of what Christ did? *Sidenote: If you want to a What Would Harry Do bracelet call me.

She then proceeds to do what she’s great at: deviating to subjects that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand. For the rest of Disc two she discusses the following:

• The show Bewitched
• Dungeons and Dragons
• 9/11
• Contaminated water
• Sex education and the known 218 STD’s
• Expansion of Paganism
• Suicide epidemic
• Rape and pedophilia
• Why FOX news is her favorite channel (not surprised)

And that’s when I woke up and wiped the drool off my laptop.

Throughout the three entries in writing about this I haven’t bothered to exaggerate anything she’s said. There have been people (fans of hers obviously) that have messaged me saying that I didn’t interpret what she said correctly.

I can interpret it however my mind so chooses to interpret it, and because these are direct quotes there aren’t really that many ways I can interpret it and present that information to my readers now can I??

The woman is crazy and ignorant. I wouldn’t need to do much other than quote the things she’s said for people to realize it. I don’t know if these other people actually have this CD but I’m willing to let anyone listen to it if they so choose to. I warn you though, it’s straight intellectual torture.

Lesson: actually listen to what people have to say before you start dick riding.