chronicles of okc: battling lesbians one vagina at a time

Sometimes on OKC I’ll get these females (bisexuals and lesbians alike) that feel it’s necessary to gawk at me and express just how “beautiful” I am. Don’t misunderstand, I do not at all take offense to people complimenting my appearance: but I do realize that in these situations they’re trying to hit on me and endless flattery isn’t the way to do it. Even a lion gets bored of others stroking his mane.

Some of them are very blunt and ask if I’m interested in having a threesome with them and their boyfriend. No, I am not interested in contracting any diseases you’ve already had the displeasure of sharing with one another, for the record. I think it’s about time people stopped asking me that.

And sometimes they’ll be genuinely curious about your personality and therefore try to pull the same manipulative tactics to try to determine who I am through short and ill thought out questions as they would do to a man if they were straight.

The following is the account of just such an occasion where a “real lesbian” (her phrase, not mine) decided to enter into a battle of the vagina minds. I already had an issue with her because she typed in all capital letters and had terrible grammar and spelling (which I will correct for the sake of literacy).

Side topic: There is absolutely no fucking reason for you to press Caps Lock before you have a conversation with someone. It’s absolutely idiotic and obnoxious to write in such a way and yes I will interpret as you being a loud person in general and I despise loud people.

The conversation started off as us talking about how I’m allergic to chocolate, caramel, and grass clippings. The typical ice breaking conversation ensued, a lot of “where are you from’s” and “what do you do’s” were passed. I learned that she’s fascinated with the fact that I’m virtually all alone in this state (all of my family is either out of state or out of the country) and that her parents passed away a long time ago and her plan is to move in with her sister.

Her fascination came by the fact that I’m an only child. And then she sprung this on me:

Lesbian: My best friend is an only child as well, and my daughter is gonna be an only child.

– Pause –

As someone who knows several gay couples with children I understand the concept that everyone can have kids, either through adoption or sperm donors. The more common option is adoption since sperm donors are so expensive, and since earlier in the conversation she mentioned that she was in between jobs I thought it would make sense to assume that adoption was the reason why this child was brought to be. But then she follows up with this tidbit of information:

Me: Was she adopted?

Lesbian: No. Do you have a problem with  lesbians having kids?

Me: Why would I have a problem with it? I just find it peculiar that you’re reproducing as a lesbian when a man’s presence would be required.

Lesbian: Well I don’t think that way! I have no interest in men but at the time I couldn’t afford a donor so I did it the old fashioned way! And I don’t regret it because I’m still a full all the way lesbian!

– Pause –

So right now she’s telling me that she’s a lesbian that takes dick. Not only that but she actually found someone willing to fuck her and give her a child at the risk of her turning around and claiming child support for a kid he didn’t even want.

Not to mention the fact that she’s got some over the top gay pride going on. She seems to be in denial of the fact that no one cares if she’s fitting into some designated label or not. I don’t care if she had sex with a dude whatsoever. It’s not like I’m about to mock her and call her a fraud. It looks like she’s trying to convince herself, not me.

She then asks me a bunch of random stuff about movies and hobbies before blurting out: “Hey are you more attracted in females or males, or is it equal?”

Let me explain something to my readers. I believe the female form is far more beautiful. It might be because I’m biased (being a female, and a narcissistic one at that) but I find my form to be far more attractive than that of a male’s. That being said, I have the hardest time relating to females and bonding with them. Most of my closest female friends aren’t really all that feminine. Hence why a vast majority of my friends are male and why I prefer to date males and never females.

In an attempt to explain this to her she decided that this logic was confusing to her. I didn’t understand how difficult of a concept that really was but I didn’t press it further. I don’t particularly care if she understands my line of thinking, after all.

Lesbian: So have you ever been intimate with a man?

Me: *flash backs of all the times spent with ex boyfriends* Yes.

Lesbian: Yeah girls in my opinion are better than most guys.

(No shit, you’re a lesbian. Kind of. One that takes dick.)

Lesbian: Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman?

Me: Yes, but I honestly can’t date most girls. They annoy me too much.

Lesbian: So you just sleep with them??

Me: Pretty much, despite how I can be pretty cold hearted to them. I found out recently a girl has fallen in love with me and wants to sleep with me but I refuse to do so because I don’t have any feelings towards her and it’s clear that she’ll want a relationship out of it. I don’t want to break her heart.

Lesbian: I can see how you’re cold hearted to women! Why don’t you just leave them alone instead of using them for sex?

Me: If I simply wanted to use someone for sex I’d blatantly ignore this girl’s feelings and have sex with her. You seem to have missed that point. Besides, every girl I’ve been with knew what she was doing and they are just as responsible. They can take care of themselves.

Lesbian: Well they must be crazy because if I’m a REAL LESBIAN I’m not going to have sex with a girl that wants nothing but sex, I just think their standards are very low.

Me: I won’t lie and say that every person I’ve been with is someone I genuinely wanted a relationship out of. However my standards are very high for dating as well as for intimacy.

Lesbian: You are no better than a man!!

Me: How so? Are we playing double standards? Is it all of a sudden just ok for a man to be able to enjoy meaningless sex but not okay for a woman? The girls I’ve been with aren’t some innocent victims! If I was as bad as you seem to be making me try to appear I would have already slept with this girl, wouldn’t I?

Lesbian: I never said you were a bad person I’m just defensive of lesbians over bisexuals and confused women, I don’t think we should court people like that because most times they get hurt. I never have that’s why I stick to nothing but real lesbians!!

Me: Being a lesbian all of a sudden doesn’t make you more capable of loving someone than a bisexual or a man, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean you’re gonna act differently than either of us. A lesbian can hurt you just as easily, a lesbian doesn’t have to all of a sudden care about your feelings either. It’s not that I don’t value relationships; if I didn’t I wouldn’t be on OKC to begin with. But I’m not gonna sit here and pretend like only certain types of people have the potential to hurt/disappoint me when it comes to relationships. I keep my standards high and my desires well in my sight to remind myself to never settle for anything less than what I deserve.

Lesbian: So is that why you just have sex with women?? So you don’t get hurt? Are you scared of getting hurt by a woman??

Me: I can’t get attached to a woman emotionally to begin with so it would be rather difficult for me to get hurt by them.

Lesbian: So you have no emotions when you have sex with them?? How do you do that??

Me: The only emotion present would be lust. I don’t necessarily have to love someone to have sex with them, I’m a human. That would be a ridiculous notion.

Lesbian: But you don’t seem to like them either, you only want to screw them! It has nothing to do with love!

Me: It’s not like I’m demeaning women by hating them and fucking them out of hatred and rage. Every girl I’ve slept with has been a friend of mine. It doesn’t mean I see them as useless sex objects it means I see them as people I’m sexually attracted to.

Lesbian: I don’t know, but like you said everybody has different ways of liking women. I really just thought you were treating them as sex objects and I was offended for a minute. I just really try to avoid women like you but you’re a very good person to talk to. Again not a bad person but I’m into girls on a whole ‘nother level than you can even imagine.

Me: Let me explain something to you. You have absolutely no clue who I am, what I’ve experienced nor what my expectations are. You have no clue how I treat others nor are you capable of comprehending the absolute HELL that I have been through when it comes to love. So before you start trying to place me on some fictional level you just made up, I highly suggest not judging me nor what I’m capable of.

She then went on to talk about how I judged her for having a child. For the record as long as she’s a good parent I don’t care how the child got there. But one shouldn’t sit there and tell others they’re a lesbian and then say that their child isn’t adopted nor from the sperm bank and HONESTLY EXPECT people to not have questions as to how they got there!

She said that it was the way I said it, that I don’t think lesbians should have children because they’re gay. I have no fucking clue whatsoever how she deduced that from asking the mere question of whether or not the kid was adopted. She’s clearly very insecure and has issues with herself.

And she really wonders why I (and many men) don’t feel like making a connection with women? They’re bat shit fucking insane that’s why!

She claims that she was being respectable towards me but I decided not to listen to her whatsoever. I had a guest coming over so I closed my laptop and ignored this cunt for the rest of the night.

Logging in the next day I find a message on OKC from her saying this:

Lesbian: You could have said “bye.” I still wanna be your friend and start over, but only if you want to. We have different view points and opinions and things got hasty and aggressive but you make the choice. Toodles.

I have no idea why but I immediately got even further annoyed when she used the word “toodles” like people just say shit like that anymore. Cunt. Either way I responded with this:

You seem to have some pent up hatred for men and bisexuals so I doubt that will work between us. You seem to think you’ve got everything figured out about love when you really haven’t a clue, nor do you seem to realize that you being a lesbian doesn’t put you above anyone else nor does it mean you’re more capable of loving women. You’re extremely judgmental and thrive on double standards between men and women and I personally can’t deal with people like that.

I think I can safely conclude that I hate all “real lesbians” now. Thanks for ruining your cause by annoying the FUCK out of me, bitch face.