an unusual critic cont’d – disc two

And now we’re on to disc two and the final entry of the infamous three part blog series. If you didn’t read the first two you can find them here and here.

So this fool starts off the second disc by talking about Dementors. For those that don’t know, in the Harry Potter series these are beings in dark cloaks whose sole purpose is to suck the happiness out of your life (literally) through your dick mouth, and eventually your soul. *cue lightning flash*

Anyway she seems to be insinuating that through reading about the concept of a Dementor children will have a greater desire to kill themselves.

…

I’m gonna let you absorb that notion for a second.

…

Ok. WHAT!??

Clearly even if kids were dumb enough to think that these beings exist in real life she must have missed the part where one could easily protect themselves using the Patronus charm. But then again she’d argue that witchcraft in any form is evil even when trying to protect yourself. She’s like the muggle form of this:

(True HP fans would know who this is and why I say that.)

“Eleven people around me have died from suicide… by their own hands.”

Yeah I don’t know why that last part needed to be added. That’s the definition of suicide ass clown. You can’t get someone else to commit suicide for you, last I checked. Correct me if I’m wrong.

“Back in my mother’s day, movies were made so that the good guy always won. Nowadays it’s ok for the bad guy to win and walk away.”

Spoiler Alert: Voldemort dies. Absolutely no walking involved.
Clearly she didn’t read the books or else she would have known that the ending consists of Voldemort getting his ass handed to him, the Death Eaters disappearing, Harry fucking Ron’s sister while Ron gets it on with Hermione, etc, etc.  The moral cliche of “good” defeating “evil” is still there, it just took J.K. Rowling seven goddamn (delightful) books to do it.

“There’s this new thing called Paganism.”

That’s not new honey. The commercialization of Paganism might be a more recent trend (and even then not at all that recent when you think about it) but the religious aspects behind it aren’t at all new.

“I don’t like Disney, it’s too wild now but look at even old Disney when I was a kid, where the witch would die and got burnt and they weren’t defeated by another source of power but by someone righteous.”

Yeah and things like Coal Black were also acceptable.

She then goes on to say that kids nowadays are desensitized to crime, sex, and profanity because of our media. I personally don’t consider that a bad thing. Not to say that you should be letting your 10 year old watch porn and bad movies (or even just the news these days) but I don’t see her point in bringing it up when that’s completely irrelevant (once again) to Harry Potter.

“Things like The Hobbit causes curiosities and cravings that are easily satisfied by darker real world attractions.”

That’s funny because when I read The Hobbit I didn’t have a desire to go into witchcraft since that was such a minor theme in the entire plot (hint Carol, read before you speak). And in reading the six book series of The Lord of the Rings I didn’t find myself having the urge to get my ass kicked by an old wizard, nor walk thousands of miles to drop my bling into a volcano, all the while relying on some bony, psychotic freak with two personalities sporting a nasty ass loin cloth.

So if you want to say that things like The Lord of the Rings cause kids to have the urge to go into the occult then you’ve clearly missed the theme of the book series and you’ve also underestimated the competence level of children. By the time someone is at the appropriate reading level to even read the Lord of the Rings they’re closer to adulthood anyway!

“People say that kids know that it’s just a book, and they know better than to take it seriously. But do they? The author said she’s never had a kid come up to her that’s read her books that said they wanted to become a witch, but I know there are tons of kids that are so enamored with Harry Potter that they DO want to learn witch craft and wish it were a reality for them.”

First of all, where are you finding these kids and why are you talking to them without their parents present? Second of all you’re clearly misunderstanding any kid that says they wish Harry Potter was real. Let me explain what’s actually going on in their minds.

*ahem*

THEIR LIVES ARE BORING AS HELL.

Naturally they’ll want to day dream about having a more interesting life, why do you think the Sims game was even invented? Everyone likes to think about things they’d rather be doing! If I had to choose between seeing my ugly old professors and learning nothing or seeing their ugly old professors and learning the history of werewolves which one do you really think I’d pick? It’s not because I have a desire to go to Hogwarts and become a witch (aka go to Universal Studios and spend all my money at the HP gift shop); it’s because I have a desire to not have a boring ass life.

She then goes on to talk about ouija (pronounces weegee) boards for about 10 minutes, boring the hell out of me and wishing I had pulled a ‘Reducto’ on this bitch’s face.

“The devil is smart. The Christian realm had to be invaded and it had to be invaded in such a way that appeared innocent through entertainment. I’m not saying J.R. Rowlings is the devil I’m just saying he’s brought into this Christian world the very thing that God has warned us against.”

Can you spot all the things wrong with this statement? I can!

1. Once again got the author’s name wrong.
2. Now the bitch has even gotten the author’s GENDER incorrect.
3. She’s accusing the author essentially of helping Satan out because Satan totally needed these books to get to the minds of children. It’s not like he has powers or anything. /sarcasm.
4. THIS IS NOT A CHRISTIAN WORLD. This a world with a lot of obnoxious Christians IN IT such as yourself, but believe it or not whore there are other religions that tend to bring about more SANE people. (Buddhism for the mother fucking WIN).

“There are muggles, mindless beings that don’t believe in magic. You can put me on that list.”

Putting Carol on the list of mindless beings. Check.

“They make Harry look like Christ by letting him live when others died.”

Isn’t that the reverse of what Christ did? *Sidenote: If you want to a What Would Harry Do bracelet call me.

She then proceeds to do what she’s great at: deviating to subjects that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand. For the rest of Disc two she discusses the following:

• The show Bewitched
• Dungeons and Dragons
• 9/11
• Contaminated water
• Sex education and the known 218 STD’s
• Expansion of Paganism
• Suicide epidemic
• Rape and pedophilia
• Why FOX news is her favorite channel (not surprised)

And that’s when I woke up and wiped the drool off my laptop.

Throughout the three entries in writing about this I haven’t bothered to exaggerate anything she’s said. There have been people (fans of hers obviously) that have messaged me saying that I didn’t interpret what she said correctly.

I can interpret it however my mind so chooses to interpret it, and because these are direct quotes there aren’t really that many ways I can interpret it and present that information to my readers now can I??

The woman is crazy and ignorant. I wouldn’t need to do much other than quote the things she’s said for people to realize it. I don’t know if these other people actually have this CD but I’m willing to let anyone listen to it if they so choose to. I warn you though, it’s straight intellectual torture.

Lesson: actually listen to what people have to say before you start dick riding.