an unusual critic cont’d – disc two

And now we’re on to disc two and the final entry of the infamous three part blog series. If you didn’t read the first two you can find them here and here.

So this fool starts off the second disc by talking about Dementors. For those that don’t know, in the Harry Potter series these are beings in dark cloaks whose sole purpose is to suck the happiness out of your life (literally) through your dick mouth, and eventually your soul. *cue lightning flash*

Anyway she seems to be insinuating that through reading about the concept of a Dementor children will have a greater desire to kill themselves.

…

I’m gonna let you absorb that notion for a second.

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Ok. WHAT!??

Clearly even if kids were dumb enough to think that these beings exist in real life she must have missed the part where one could easily protect themselves using the Patronus charm. But then again she’d argue that witchcraft in any form is evil even when trying to protect yourself. She’s like the muggle form of this:

(True HP fans would know who this is and why I say that.)

“Eleven people around me have died from suicide… by their own hands.”

Yeah I don’t know why that last part needed to be added. That’s the definition of suicide ass clown. You can’t get someone else to commit suicide for you, last I checked. Correct me if I’m wrong.

“Back in my mother’s day, movies were made so that the good guy always won. Nowadays it’s ok for the bad guy to win and walk away.”

Spoiler Alert: Voldemort dies. Absolutely no walking involved.
Clearly she didn’t read the books or else she would have known that the ending consists of Voldemort getting his ass handed to him, the Death Eaters disappearing, Harry fucking Ron’s sister while Ron gets it on with Hermione, etc, etc.  The moral cliche of “good” defeating “evil” is still there, it just took J.K. Rowling seven goddamn (delightful) books to do it.

“There’s this new thing called Paganism.”

That’s not new honey. The commercialization of Paganism might be a more recent trend (and even then not at all that recent when you think about it) but the religious aspects behind it aren’t at all new.

“I don’t like Disney, it’s too wild now but look at even old Disney when I was a kid, where the witch would die and got burnt and they weren’t defeated by another source of power but by someone righteous.”

Yeah and things like Coal Black were also acceptable.

She then goes on to say that kids nowadays are desensitized to crime, sex, and profanity because of our media. I personally don’t consider that a bad thing. Not to say that you should be letting your 10 year old watch porn and bad movies (or even just the news these days) but I don’t see her point in bringing it up when that’s completely irrelevant (once again) to Harry Potter.

“Things like The Hobbit causes curiosities and cravings that are easily satisfied by darker real world attractions.”

That’s funny because when I read The Hobbit I didn’t have a desire to go into witchcraft since that was such a minor theme in the entire plot (hint Carol, read before you speak). And in reading the six book series of The Lord of the Rings I didn’t find myself having the urge to get my ass kicked by an old wizard, nor walk thousands of miles to drop my bling into a volcano, all the while relying on some bony, psychotic freak with two personalities sporting a nasty ass loin cloth.

So if you want to say that things like The Lord of the Rings cause kids to have the urge to go into the occult then you’ve clearly missed the theme of the book series and you’ve also underestimated the competence level of children. By the time someone is at the appropriate reading level to even read the Lord of the Rings they’re closer to adulthood anyway!

“People say that kids know that it’s just a book, and they know better than to take it seriously. But do they? The author said she’s never had a kid come up to her that’s read her books that said they wanted to become a witch, but I know there are tons of kids that are so enamored with Harry Potter that they DO want to learn witch craft and wish it were a reality for them.”

First of all, where are you finding these kids and why are you talking to them without their parents present? Second of all you’re clearly misunderstanding any kid that says they wish Harry Potter was real. Let me explain what’s actually going on in their minds.

*ahem*

THEIR LIVES ARE BORING AS HELL.

Naturally they’ll want to day dream about having a more interesting life, why do you think the Sims game was even invented? Everyone likes to think about things they’d rather be doing! If I had to choose between seeing my ugly old professors and learning nothing or seeing their ugly old professors and learning the history of werewolves which one do you really think I’d pick? It’s not because I have a desire to go to Hogwarts and become a witch (aka go to Universal Studios and spend all my money at the HP gift shop); it’s because I have a desire to not have a boring ass life.

She then goes on to talk about ouija (pronounces weegee) boards for about 10 minutes, boring the hell out of me and wishing I had pulled a ‘Reducto’ on this bitch’s face.

“The devil is smart. The Christian realm had to be invaded and it had to be invaded in such a way that appeared innocent through entertainment. I’m not saying J.R. Rowlings is the devil I’m just saying he’s brought into this Christian world the very thing that God has warned us against.”

Can you spot all the things wrong with this statement? I can!

1. Once again got the author’s name wrong.
2. Now the bitch has even gotten the author’s GENDER incorrect.
3. She’s accusing the author essentially of helping Satan out because Satan totally needed these books to get to the minds of children. It’s not like he has powers or anything. /sarcasm.
4. THIS IS NOT A CHRISTIAN WORLD. This a world with a lot of obnoxious Christians IN IT such as yourself, but believe it or not whore there are other religions that tend to bring about more SANE people. (Buddhism for the mother fucking WIN).

“There are muggles, mindless beings that don’t believe in magic. You can put me on that list.”

Putting Carol on the list of mindless beings. Check.

“They make Harry look like Christ by letting him live when others died.”

Isn’t that the reverse of what Christ did? *Sidenote: If you want to a What Would Harry Do bracelet call me.

She then proceeds to do what she’s great at: deviating to subjects that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand. For the rest of Disc two she discusses the following:

• The show Bewitched
• Dungeons and Dragons
• 9/11
• Contaminated water
• Sex education and the known 218 STD’s
• Expansion of Paganism
• Suicide epidemic
• Rape and pedophilia
• Why FOX news is her favorite channel (not surprised)

And that’s when I woke up and wiped the drool off my laptop.

Throughout the three entries in writing about this I haven’t bothered to exaggerate anything she’s said. There have been people (fans of hers obviously) that have messaged me saying that I didn’t interpret what she said correctly.

I can interpret it however my mind so chooses to interpret it, and because these are direct quotes there aren’t really that many ways I can interpret it and present that information to my readers now can I??

The woman is crazy and ignorant. I wouldn’t need to do much other than quote the things she’s said for people to realize it. I don’t know if these other people actually have this CD but I’m willing to let anyone listen to it if they so choose to. I warn you though, it’s straight intellectual torture.

Lesson: actually listen to what people have to say before you start dick riding.

an unusual critic cont’d – disc one

If you remember from this entry a woman named Carol Kornacki has a thing against the Harry Potter series, and therefore sent me a two disc recording of her views on it. I’ve only listened to the first one as of yet and while this one gave me a brain hemorrhage just big enough to make me want to punch a baby, I’ll listen to the second one and also post my review.

While listening I took notes on some of the things she’s said. Often times I had to stop the CD to run to the nearest wall to bash my head into it. I honestly don’t think this woman has any idea what she’s talking about. I told this to my roommate (who gave her so much credibility) and she didn’t have much to say. Honestly after listening to what she said you can’t really refute the fact that this woman is a complete moron.

“I’m not here to attack J.R. Rowlings.”

Who the fuck is J.R. Rowlings? I’m pretty sure the author of the book is named J.K. Rowling, idiot. If you’re gonna sit here and talk about a book series you probably didn’t even read at least get the author’s goddamn name right!

“It’s not the books necessarily it’s the things attached to the books. I’m really talking to Christians.”

I waited for a while on this CD for her to actually talk about “things attached to the books” because I had no idea what she was talking about but of course it’s obvious she’s only talking about the people who feel Harry Potter could be a concern for their children. Other parents are actually happy that kids nowadays still find the desire to READ.

At this point in the CD she starts rambling on about what was written about in the previous entry (see link at top), and about the screen director’s need for the cast to say their lines accurate. She also talks about how she grew up in a violent, abusive, and alcoholic family which pushed her to learn about “Eastern religions” involving witchcraft. It’s also interesting to note that she first had the impression that Christians were crazy, as if it’s not all based on supernatural occurrences??

“Jesus Christ is interesting. when people curse they don’t say ‘Oh Buddha!’ they say ‘Oh Jesus Christ!’. Our calendar/ number system is based from his birthday. America was built on Christian principles.”

First of all since when was cursing interesting? If someone is cursing in his name isn’t that blasphemous? I have nothing to say about the whole calendar bit either since it’s also quite irrelevant. But one of the things that pisses me off beyond all belief are the Bible thumpers that think America was built on Christian principles. IT WASN’T. That doesn’t even make sense!

Not only did our founding fathers vary in religion amongst themselves, a majority of them stuck to tenets from free masonry rather than those of Christianity. For those that can read you’ll notice how the word ‘God’ is nowhere in the Constitution. Excuse the bias so early in but this woman is a goddamn fool.

She also goes on to say that the Bible specifically says that we aren’t to concern ourselves with witchcraft and that reading Harry Potter at all is going against the Bible. Well the Bible says a lot of things that would therefore cut out half of our literary classics, does that mean we should just stop reading??

I’m just happy to know that Americans are still semi-literate enough to know about Harry Potter and to have read the series! I don’t think the Bible should be the only book anyone ever picks up!

Not to mention it’s a damn children’s book, lighten the fuck up! I don’t think you’re going to Hell just because you read a book. It doesn’t mean you’re dabbling in witchcraft no more than reading Twilight means you’ve become suddenly become a sparkling vampire with emotional problems.

“Harry is upset he’s with his horrible aunt and uncle and doesn’t know what to do. Why didn’t he go to Christ?” (referencing the plot of the first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone)

Because quite honestly no one would read it if it had to do with Jesus straight up. People read the Chronicles of Narnia because the biblical theme was hidden underneath something entertaining. Harry coming to Christ would all of a sudden make this boring, not to mention it was J.K.’s idea and she can do whatever the hell she wants! Why does every piece of literature regarding hardship have to revolve around Jesus? Show some fucking tolerance woman!

And to be real for a second, I’d much rather get a literal escape from that type of situation portrayed in the book than a figurative or spiritual escape. I’m not gonna have Harry suffer through mesothelioma from staying in that damn closet all his life, inhaling asbestos and getting bitched out everyday, and try to call that entertainment. If he went to Christ what then would be the plot???

…

Exactly.

“Now I’m being told it’s okay for kids to learn the dark deep secrets of witchcraft that took me 6 years to master.”

So what secrets about witchcraft are being taught through the Harry Potter books? Especially when the author said she doesn’t even believe in witchcraft? And if you notice, pretty much all the spells are just variations of Latin translations for what they do, it didn’t take that much effort to come up with what they should be called: reading Harry Potter to me is more like mastering Latin, not witchcraft.

I don’t know about you but I haven’t heard of any kids that grew up with the books (keep in mind if they did they would be my age now) that as a result went out and started doing real witchcraft. Nobody is conjuring up spells and summoning demons. Shut the hell up.

“What power causes kids to read HUNDREDS OF PAGES of Harry Potter, a book filled with witchcraft, but they can’t take ten minutes to read the Bible??”

“There were people that camped all night waiting to get into a bookstore to get these books when they were first coming out.”

First of all if you feel the need to comment on how many pages there are, that’s a shame. That’s not a lot of pages at all actually. And that power you’re talking about isn’t sorcery, it’s called great writing style. Most kids don’t want to sit there and read the Bible because let’s be honest; being told all the reasons why you’ll be condemned to Hell with stories attached to them is not attractive in a literary sense – it’s boring as hell. Kids barely want to read as it is, the only thing that’ll get them to read is something interesting!

“J.R. Rowlings (getting the name WRONG again) said she doesn’t even believe in witchcraft. She said she just made it up and it’s not real witchcraft. Well I’m an ex witch so I can say yes it is.”

No, you’re a jackass trying to pull rank when you’re clearly illiterate and have no idea that the Latin language even exists nor the name of the person that wrote the damn books.

“Have they talked to the people whose kids have played dungeons and dragons and may have taken their lives or the life of someone else?”

WAIT. WHAT? WHO THE… *stroke* How is that relevant first of all, and second of all do you not see a fucking epidemic in teen suicide in the LGBT community from Bible thumpers harassing them?!?!? That’s fucking ignorant and insulting that she would blatantly write that off! This bitch needs to get the FUCK out of here!!

“Reading about things like Harry Potter has made learning about Christ boring and unimportant to kids now.”

It was boring and unimportant long before Harry Potter, I think you’re just jealous. What’s wrong with reading? Something tells me she’s the book burning type.

“In Harry Potter they divide up wizards; good wizards and bad wizards. I can’t find such a thing as a good wizard in the Bible.”

And you think these books are based on the Bible because? Oh right because you can’t see past the one damn book you give any time of day to, that a book HAS to mention God in good light to get your approval; if it isn’t mentioned at all you’re automatically against it. In short, you’re moronic and illiterate!

According to this woman you might as well not read things like Animal Farm or Bram Stoker’s Dracula considering it was never mentioned in the Bible about your farm animals becoming organized amongst themselves or vampires correct?

“People will really defend Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Defend who C.S. Lewis was because the Lord of the Rings movies were a bit more gory than he intended them to be and the message was distorted a little bit.”

First of all C.S. Lewis did NOT write the Lord of the Rings; that was his friend J.R.R. Tolkien you illiterate cunt. C.S. Lewis wrote the Chronicles of Narnia, a story with VERY religious undertones. You have absolutely no fucking clue about what you’re talking about and your ignorance infuriates me!!

“I heard there was a child sacrifice in Harry Potter.”

Really? Where? Further proof this bitch didn’t even read the books!

She went on to say things that because America is the most medicated country  in the world we shouldn’t let kids read about “things that can suck happy thoughts from your mind.” She’s referring to Dementors, which keep in mind, DON’T EXIST and are obvious to kids that they do not exist. And if we were to even take what she said seriously, it’s not like the kid can’t bust a Patronus up in this bitch to cure his depression – cheaper than meds, no?

This is the end of the first disc, and I can say that I’m already highly disappointed in this woman and partially in my roommate for introducing me to her thinking that what this woman said was actually legit and should be listened to. She’s really not.

Stay tuned for the review of the second disc, right now I’m gonna pour myself some wine and watch Death Proof, one of Quentin Tarantino’s sexy works. ❤