through the eyes of a deviant

tongue like a diamond dagger

a bit more personal

Read my personal weblog –


chronicles of okc: why i refuse to date gamers

As many of you know, whenever I see a man with a gaming console it’s one of the biggest turn offs for me. You may think it’s a bit hypocritical considering I’m also a gamer. However, the difference is that I have self control and I actually crave for human interaction – most of the guys that I’ve encountered who are gamers don’t have self control, are very dependent on video games when dealing with their problems, have dangerous addictions to gaming, and actually don’t care for much human interaction.

I’ve had two horrible experiences with gamers in the dating world. One I dated for a year and a half and that promptly ended when his inability to interact with other people that aren’t gamers made him more and more reclusive and eventually he decided that all he needed was video games. The second one I dated for a year; his mother and I were concerned about the gaming addiction he had developed since childhood. His father neglected him and his only consolation was gaming. Even to this day he’ll put gaming before friends and family, and his addiction and our effort to help him with it made him lash out, cheat on me, and then alienate most of his friends.

I find that gamers tend to lack the emotional and social maturity that I need in a man. *shrugs*

This, very simply, is why I don’t date gamers. Period. This is my preference and I have my right to it. There’s far more that goes into both of these situations but it’s too personal to talk about here, you’d have to go to my personal weblog for that.

While I don’t really use OKC anymore, I did have a disclaimer up there saying that I don’t date gamers. I didn’t elaborate, why should I have to? Just know if you spend hours with a controller in your hand you’re not the one for me, get over it.

Well this one boy couldn’t get over it, as you can see by our conversation.

Him: Bummer on the not dating gamers bit. I mean, really, who is to say that one person’s hobby is superior to another’s? That’d be like saying “I don’t date movie watchers” or “I don’t date book readers”.

I once read a profile of a girl who said “I won’t date a man who watches sports”; now I’m not particularly interested in sports… but really? Must be nice to be in a position to make such a demand.

(Sidenote: yes I am in that position to make that demand, and it is nice. As amazing of a person AND girlfriend I am to every single person I’ve dated, if you want to get this 10 you need to be a 10, it’s that damn simple. I demand what I want, and nothing less. )

Me: It’s not about putting one hobby over another, I’m just not interested in dating children.

Him: A bit presumptuous to assume that one’s hobby makes them a child, no? And really, who are you to say what constitutes an adult? I have a damn good career, I pay my bills on time, I have excellent credit, I live alone currently but have lived with 3 different women; oh, and I happen to enjoy a video game or two. Hey, if all of that is indicative of a child then sign me up. Thanks for playing.

Me: This little rant of yours proves your lack of maturity and displays all of your insecurities. No matter what you say, I don’t date gamers.

“Thanks for playing.”

Really? Did I ask for your attention? You came to ME, it’s about time you got over yourself. After losing a child and a marriage to a gaming addiction do you really fucking think I give two shits about your shit career, your credit score or your exes? Think fucking again cunt because I fucking don’t. And don’t think for one fucking second that you paying a bill or having a job all of a sudden makes you mature enough for me.

You’ve been dismissed.

Clearly he didn’t know who the fuck he was talking to. Piling on the reasons for why I don’t date gamers – emotional immaturity for the lose.

The 10 Things I Love About My Job

The main circuit board of an Atari 800XL computer.

Image via Wikipedia

For those of you that don’t know I turn my tricks as an IT Specialist. What does that mean? Anything to do with building hardware/software, phone systems, people problems, meetings, tons of paper work, running, driving hundreds of miles and back within one day, and in general being loved by all by the mere fact that I’m there for them with their every desire technology wise. In short, I’m a lab slave.

And while my job is stressful, there are certain things I do love about my job. (Gasp, a positive post?).

  1. How putting a snowball in the water fountain is enough to destroy it and have a technician come in that can’t fix it.
  2. How the people across the hall always bring me cake and other such desserts for no reason whatsoever.
  3. How I have not one, not two, not three, but four monitors on my desk all connected to my laptop in a row.
  4. How my supervisor made a comment on me struggling to lift a printer. It’s part of the job description to be able to lift at least 50lbs with ease. This printer is 120lbs without paper.
  5. How there’s always that one person who looks like he’s high and plays Call of Duty with me; I swear that’s how he gets through work, weed and gaming.
  6. How if you walk into the server room you could die from the fumes created from heated plastic.
  7. How getting a bomb in a package is extremely likely considering I work right above the floor with IRS on it.
  8. How you get administrative leave whenever you get 1 inch of snow for 4 hours.
  9. How I can easily ignore any dumb requests I get from users by saying “we’re not authorized to do that.”
  10. How because of the nature of my job I can wear jeans and t-shirts to work almost every day (minus meeting days).

There’s plenty more that I like about my job, and plenty of things I don’t, but some of those things I can’t say – it’ll give away where I work and I can’t have my haters endangering my life and those of others. Just kidding!

What do you like about your job? If you don’t have one what the fuck are you doing with your life?

the dilemma of a female gamer

I’m a female, and I’m a “gamer.”

By “gamer,” I suppose I aim to imply that games are not at all foreign to me; I find interest in and clearly do achieve whatever is to be done within every game I come across that catches my attention. I know the lingo, I appreciate the work it takes into creating a game, I recognize I was born in the age of certain games that today’s are based on.

In short, when it comes to games, I know what I’m talking about.

But to most gamers, seeing another one that’s a female is often too much to handle. Why? Because gamers don’t interact with other people, much less females. Hence why they’re fascinated with us.

For the record it’s really obnoxious to see guys put us up on a pedestal for not only being capable of picking up a controller and using it well, but having a vagina at the same time. You’re pretty much saying we’re overcoming an inadequacy, a handicap if you will.

And it’s also really irritating to see girls like the Frag Dolls pretty much riding that stereotype to a life of irrelevant and inconsequential e-fame. The Frag Dolls themselves are only famous because of their skill in combination with their vagina, and while it’s a direct challenge to a male dominated area I feel like, as a woman, there are so many more important things we could be conquering.

As an avid gamer I’ve gone through all the reactions that I think another female gamer could go through – I’ve been hit on, harassed, banished, put up on a pedestal, stalked, etc. If I do well in a game I either get guys that are surprised for some reason or I get people bent on making my life a living hell; in short everyone’s insecurities about women tend to come out on Xbox Live and the PSN.

And here we have the dilemma.

If you play anonymously, you’re ugly, fat, and you smell funny.

If you openly show yourself and you’re not up to the video game standard of flawless physical appearance then you’re “the ugliest bitch they’ve ever seen in their lives.”

If you openly show yourself and you’re quite attractive, you’re a fake because hot chicks don’t play video games.

If you’re attractive and ignore the advances of snotty pimple faced gamers you must be a snob/bitch/whore and therefore must be hated because you clearly go for the type of guy that they’ll always envy – the jock.

If you have a boyfriend, this must not be your Xbox live account, it has to be his.

If you get attacked and it really doesn’t bother you, you must be crying on the inside.

If you respond to the haters then you’re incapable of dealing with e-trolls and you’ve just now become the aggressor, how dare you talk back to twelve year olds?

If you’re overweight, that’s all you’ll ever be.

If you’re thin you must be starving yourself and therefore are blatantly insulting other women.

No matter what type of in game achievements you have, what gear you’re wearing, or what gun you’re toting, you’re a noob and shouldn’t be dumb enough to do what you’re doing.

In short, if you threaten the stereotypical male persona you’re a bitch and you need to be destroyed.

It’s why whenever someone yells at me for being absent from a game I promptly inform them that I was painting my nails and watching Sex and the City with the girls, or that I was busy having sex, or something along those lines.

Now who’s up for a dance off on the Wii??

p/s: Gamers the Wii was invented for you to get OFF your ass and stop having health problems, don’t let me catch you playing Wii tennis sitting down. Ass clowns.

a culture of tech-sex

Once upon a time I had a dick on my phone.

I was in high school and the person who was interested in me at the time thought it would be appropriate to engage in some heated conversation with a follow up of a photo of his boy bits.

I’ve always found this as peculiar behavior; do boys honestly think that’s attractive? Do they realize that because of the shrinking size of technology, it makes it appear as though what they’re packing isn’t at all impressive?

What’s worse is that it’s not at all uncommon for guys to request such provocative photos from attractive women. I suppose I’ve never seen the appeal of having something just out of your reach as a constant reminder in your phone.

I personally was always the one with the deathly fear of sending any nude pictures of myself. I’ve always been technologically savvy and therefore was constantly reminded of the risks.

What if I ended up on some site that charges money and I never get my cut?

What if I planned on selling my virginity and all of a sudden the property value went down because someone’s already seen the floor plan?

What if someone tries to kidnap me and sell me overseas into sex slavery?

You know, the typical fears most people have, right?

But I won’t lie and say that I’m completely innocent – sending racy pictures has almost become a specialty of mine, and I’ve done so without even being nude. Imagine that?

That way, if someone saw it that I never planned on seeing it, I could easily play it off as just sending an innocent picture, and that I couldn’t help that it turned them on. It’s the perfect plan.

But you always read about the people who sent nude pics to their boyfriend, their boyfriend then showed it to their friends, and then  the girl ends up killing herself. Not that suicide is anything but serious, but I honestly never understood the line of thinking either of these people had.

My first thought is, wow that girl was really dumb enough to not only take in a shit boyfriend but to send him things he didn’t deserve? He’s a teenager, he’s not going to appreciate the human body he’s just gonna gawk at it. Why would you even bother? Are you that cheap?

Secondly, as a boyfriend why would you even share that with your friends? You’re pretty much saying that your girlfriend is a cheap slut, and even if she was why share the wealth with the guys? Make them work for it dude, and don’t get mad later when she sleeps with one of your friends because you decided to be a douchebag.

But being seen by others that I don’t know wasn’t my only fear when it came to nude pictures; I was scared of sexting. I’m still scared of texting the wrong people now without sexual connotation.

I have all sorts of numbers in my phone – ex boyfriends, new dating potentials, stalkers, employers, coworkers, professors, etc. I’m the type of person that can’t delete information unless it’s absolutely bad for me to have it; if I had deleted my ex’s number from this past year I would have cursed his ass out every day and never would have gotten over it.

It’s my biggest fear to drunk dial or even text something stupid to the wrong person. It’s why whenever I party you notice my phone is either locked in my bedroom or locked in my car under a bunch of shit.

In general it just doesn’t seem like a good idea to provide concrete evidence that you’re a whore to the general public. And if all of this doesn’t make you uncomfortable with it yet, please note that your phone company does have people screening your text messages. And I bet you that the person who reads your failed attempt at being a phone slut is laughing at you and your parents for even paying your phone bill.

Lesson: stop embarrassing your family, have sex in real life.

I’ve done some pretty kinky things in my life when it comes to sex, I’ll admit. If you name it I’ve probably done it, or at least thought about it. Except for that masochistic shit, not into that. But the one thing I refuse to do ever is video tape it. That’s even worse than a photo!

I don’t think I have the personality for a sex video. I’d be too concerned with things that are irrelevant.

“How does my hair look?”
“Is the oven on? Shit I think it is…”
“So this is all I’m getting, huh?”

Welcome to my sex life.

Anyway, I find it difficult enough to just take pictures. People have said I’m very photogenic, but I’m picky as hell when it comes to photos. I think people underestimate how difficult it is to take a picture of yourself.

You think the outcome will look like this:

Sarah Starlet

When you really end up looking like this:

(As a sidenote that is my actual picture. Which one am I talking about? You’ll never know, now will you?)

I suppose sex addicts would get frustrated with me because I would make them wait hours on end before I approved of a photo for them to masturbate to. Imagine how long it would take to film a video?? In the end I suppose I’m just too damn lazy to have tech-sex. I suppose I’ll stick to regular sex, since it comparatively takes far less effort.

But for those of you that do enjoy the occasional grinding of the gadgets I think Apple should just go ahead and make an app for you. It’ll be better than Facetime, name it Cocktime. Maybe put in a “like/dislike” feature for instant feedback, a tips section from Cosmo? I’m sure we can find a 10 year old Chinese kid to create the app for us, they already made half the store anyway.

Speaking of something not at all relevant to China, I want you to do the following and let the hilarity ensue:


  1. Go to
  2. English -> French
  3. Type in “Take a dirty picture for me” without the quotes
  4. Copy the result and change it from French -> English
  5. Paste what you copied and translate it back.
  6. Commence laughter.

I love playing with languages. ❤

Happy Holidays!

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Holiday, despite how I should have done this earlier to include the ones that aren’t Christmas. But I won’t be like the typical holiday commercials and try to say “Happy Holidays” to be politically correct and still throw Santa Claus in there for some reason.

Us foreigners don’t lie to our kids. We want them to know who to appreciate! Santa didn’t buy you shit, your parent’s whole pay check went into this you ungrateful son of a

Happy Holidays Everyone!

I’ll blog after the holidays have ended



it’s not about you, stop fucking crying

NOTE: This is very long. But I do expect you to read the entire thing before making a comment, especially at the end when my rage subsides.

I’m getting really tired of oversensitive people; people who can’t take a statement with a grain of salt and actually think about what is said before working themselves up into a frenzy just to claim they were being “offended.”

Word of advice: if you can’t handle being offended, don’t read anything I say. I’m blunt as hell and I refuse to consider your feelings because you’re an adult and it’s about time you got weened from life’s proverbial tit. If I can admit to some societal failures accumulated by groups I’m a subcategory in, then so can you. If you want someone to stroke your dick ego I’m clearly not the one you’re looking for.

In short, I will tear you apart. Why?

Because the type of people that get offended by what I write and how I think usually have no clue about what I wrote nor what I thought. They see a topic, assume what I mean, and continuously cry for hours on end about how “wrong” I am.

And if you took the time to notice, you’d realize that everything I say that stirs up such controversy is a very general statement. If you haven’t taken a sociology course yet, you probably should (since it’s required, hint hint) so that you stand a chance at comprehending this very basic concept:

You as an individual don’t mean jack shit towards a sociological observation.

The whole point of sociology is to be able to come to a general conclusion, the key word being general. You can cry all you want about what you think it deduces to, what was implied, or whatever you feel like being offended over on that particular day but it doesn’t fucking matter.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say someone observes that the reason women purchase cosmetics is generally caused by a push from society to look physically superior or perfect to attract a mate. It doesn’t mean jack shit that the reason I put on make up is because I like being artistic and it’s fun for me.

My individual case isn’t enough to denounce an entire observation or theory, now is it? Especially one with some merit. And my individual case most certainly doesn’t speak for all the other cases! After all I’m not representative of all women just like no other woman isn’t representative of me.

But enough about women, let’s talk about men.

Recently there’s been a lot of (just kidding, like two or three) “men” that have been butt hurt about some things I have said with regards to dating. I put the word “men” in quotes because I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt, which I rarely do.

You’re welcome.

Basically the gist of what I actually (key word being actually) said is that American men don’t have what I need when it comes to dating; in America the concept of dating has devolved in such a way that things that aren’t at all healthy in a relationship have become acceptable. American men go by a morale that’s very unattractive to me – men are encouraged to act whorishly, unattached to their significant others, and in general extremely lazy and irresponsible when it comes to dating. Too often you’ll hear excuses for poor behavior instead of seeing people with great behavior.

Now let’s evaluate what I didn’t say that people seem to be insinuating:

  1. All men behave poorly: that would be a direct insult to not only logic (which I value greatly) but to my male friends that HAVE shown that they can do better. I’m not the type to give people the benefit of the doubt; until someone can prove to me that they are a certain way then I’m apathetic to them and therefore don’t make the assumption that they can do better than the national average. *shrugs* Get over it.
  2. Women are better than men: if you know me at all you know that I despise women. I despise how society encourages women to be weak, bitchy, manipulative towards men, and overly obsessed with trying to fit into a guy’s circle of male friends to try to be “unique.” (Sidenote: Bitches, being “one of the guys” doesn’t make you unique, it makes you a coward. If you can’t be yourself, as in the holder of a vagina, then you have a problem. In the end you’ll be treated like one of the guys: irrelevant.) I never said anything about women, good or bad. Since I’m not interested in dating a woman I don’t feel the need to talk about them. It’s that damn simple.
  3. All men that aren’t American are worth going for: you’ll have your typical douchebag in every single country you go to, there’s no doubt about that. I only speak about American men because I live in AMERICA and therefore only interact with/date AMERICAN men. However, this also doesn’t mean other countries have the same morale as the U.S. Like I said, there’s nothing saying that there aren’t your douchebags sitting alongside your decent men. However, finding a decent man in America is like finding an untouched bottle of vodka at Courtney Love‘s house. Not every country has that same belief system when it comes to dating, and therefore tend to generate men more in sync with what American women value.
  4. Chivalry is dead: first of all, the idea of chivalry isn’t at all related to what I’m talking about. Chivalry is an archaic concept where people essentially put the pussy up on the pedestal and treat women better than other men. Women get treated like shit here! Back in the day (medieval times) it was because women were thought of as prizes to be won, and had to be woo’d over. Let me explain something: I don’t enjoy the idea of chivalry, in its actual context; don’t be super polite to me just because I have different genitalia. I do however enjoy the idea of people having manners. I’m not the uber feminist type that gets angry if you hold open a door for her; as someone who dislikes touching anything public I greatly appreciate it. I understand it’s a courtesy, but that is simply being polite. It is not chivalry. And chivalry is not valued because I am not a thing to be won through small favors. Also for the record, holding the door open for me or being polite in general doesn’t mean you’re automatically good boyfriend material. It goes along with the idea that the second you do something right, you’re owed something; especially when you ONLY act politely for females. That’s immature and therefore shows how irresponsible of a person you really are and how little you really care. So stop equating politeness to the ability to be a respectable significant other, ass clowns! If you feel like you need a medal just because you have a dick and opened the door for someone who doesn’t have one, then you’re fucking retarded. You’re supposed to be polite, shit face.

Here’s another quick tip: If you claim that I say something that I haven’t or that I’m even insinuating something when you don’t know anything about my views on the matter it’s a very easy thing for me to now write you off as an idiot to the subject. If you are incapable of logic and cannot properly debate with me on anything then you shouldn’t even be speaking to me on the matter. Period. It is a surefire way to piss me off because it shows you’re not listening, you’re just talking.

There’s a whole lot of boys claiming to be decent men but whenever I ask them what makes them such I always get a blank stare. They can never come up with an actual reason behind their self image and therefore crumble when I ask that question.

Clearly what a man thinks of himself is going to differ than what other people think of him, and aren’t others entitled to their opinions? Are men just scared that their reasons aren’t going to measure up to the reality that they really have nothing impressive to say?

If you can’t back up your claims then what’s my reason for believing you? I’ve had guys that have never even been in relationships claim that they’re decent when in one. Really?? That doesn’t even make sense! How the fuck would you know that and why the fuck would I believe you?

So when I think of a decent man what do I think of?

I think of someone that complements a decent woman.

I think of someone who, if they found themselves with a mature woman who knows what she wants, what she deserves, and what her goals/ambitions are, wouldn’t make the woman feel as though she’s forced to settle for less than what she wants and deserves. I’m sure every woman has her own list of desires in a relationship based on her own personality but we can all agree on a few basic things:

  • Loyalty / fidelity
  • Love and respect
  • Trust and honesty
  • Substantial effort to work through problems
  • Understanding of one another or the honest attempt to do so
  • Responsibility*
  • Communication*

If you’re incapable of providing these basic things, you don’t need to be in a relationship. Period. I don’t give a fuck what type of excuses you would like to make up for yourself, you’re fucking inadequate. And anyone who settles for anything less than this is a god damn moron.

But let’s move on to the real point.

A lot of straight men are in denial about the exponential decline in morale when it comes to dating because as usual they feel like they’re being blamed for everything. That’s not true, but they ARE responsible for half of it no?

And people in denial tend to say the same things over and over:

“But I’m not like that, you can’t just generalize because I’m an exception!”

First of all I don’t know that you’re an exception.
Second of all I don’t care if you are an exception; as previously stated your existence doesn’t negate a sociological observation because guess what? You’re NOT representative of all men, you’re only representative of yourself.

“Oh it must be you, it’s just your experiences. You must have bad luck!”

If it was just me then there wouldn’t be any of the following:

  • Books on how to deal with men
  • Books on how to “change” men
  • Books on how to read signs from men
  • Articles in magazines focused on decent men in the media
  • A divorce rate over 50%
  • Romance Movies and shows that focus on guys that are over the top amazing
  • The need for 99% of my guy friends to be over protective of me whenever a new guy comes in my life, saying he’s there for sex most likely
  • The stigma against men who aren’t sexually active
  • A societal shift towards revering sluts and condemning virgins
  • Media coverage on anyone in the spot light that fucks up their relationship
  • A general agreement on the downfall of dating from a majority of both sides
  • Foreigners refusing to date Americans except for something superficial like citizenship
  • Romance novels
  • Movies depicting fathers telling their sons how to get women through ALL the wrong ways
  • 100+ emails, facebook messages, and tweets from people I didn’t even know read the blog anticipating this entry, all of different genders, sexual orientations, etc, especially women and homosexual men.

And the list goes on.

“Well if women weren’t X, Y, and Z men wouldn’t be this way!”

A real man doesn’t make excuses for his poor behavior, this is clearly a boy talking. I’ve encountered countless boys with shitty behavior, completely driven by hormones and bull shit drama but have I all of a sudden decided to throw in the towel on my morals? My standards? Fuck no!!

Just because it’s hard to find someone that meets my standards doesn’t mean I should lower them! That wouldn’t be fair to me and I’m not a fucking coward. And it doesn’t mean I should lower my own personal standards because it wouldn’t be fair for that potential to come to me and see me as just another unappealing ass clown trying to get him with minimal effort.

And every single time a woman acts sensibly towards you and decides that you’re just not the one she wants and decides to move on, what happens? She’s either deemed as crazy or unstable and you lash out at her. Yeah that’s a double standard I LOVE going through. /sarcasm.

You have no one to blame but yourself for your lack of honor and sensibility.

“Wah, you didn’t say anything good about boys though! You’re being unfair!”

If you notice I didn’t say anything good about women either. This actually reminds me of my ex’s cousin from Germany when she made a remark on babysitting American children:

“Americans spoil their children so much. Every time they do something right it’s always a pat on the back, a treat, and a ‘good job!’ thrown at them. That’s what they’re supposed to do! Why reward them for doing what they’re supposed to do?? Reward them for being even better! Americans just baby their children.”

And this is exactly how I feel about anyone who whines about me not praising them. First of all if I don’t even know what I’m praising you for, ie you haven’t shown me any proof of you being a decent guy to date then don’t ask me to praise you for it because I won’t. I’m not going to sit here and lie about you.

Second of all I don’t HAVE to spare your ego every time I criticize something by commenting on what’s “nice” about you. You’re a grown ass man, you should be able to take some criticism by now! You should be doing what’s right despite whether or not you get praised for it!

I don’t get praised for not being a cum guzzling slut now do I? But does that mean I need a pat on the back every time I’m not blowing someone to keep it up? Hell no! I’m a grown ass woman, not some deranged and confused teenage bimbo trying to win the love of scrawny little high school boys!

And what’s so incredible is you fuckers keep missing the point that I said from the very beginning!


If you can’t figure out that generalization leaves room for exception then you should kindly just shut the fuck up right now and go enroll in some basic logic courses and a couple of sociology courses. And as I said before, the existence of an exception, both logically and sociologically, is NOT enough to denounce an entire large scale observation.

So no I, as a woman who has loved and continues to love HARD those that deserve it despite American bull shit, don’t care if you’re going to claim to be an exception. I, as that woman, don’t give two shits if you’re crying in denial that finding a man capable of those basic qualities listed above is about as difficult as finding one of Disney’s child stars not doing drugs in their twenties.

And most importantly I as that woman don’t give two shits about what YOU think of what I say or who I am because here’s a flash of reality: 99.9% of you have absolutely no clue who you’re fucking talking to. You have NO CLUE about my experiences and how they’ve affected me*, my views, or anything of the sort. Even my best friend in the world isn’t aware of a lot of things I have done/went through/etc because I put those things on a strictly “need to know” basis.

And this clearly doesn’t just apply to me, but MANY women. And those who have found decent guys KNOW how lucky they are, they don’t deny it! Whenever a woman writes about a man that’s treating her right and truly makes her heart flutter what does she say?

“I’m lucky to have found someone like you.”

Don’t believe me? Go check your Facebook. The bitch doesn’t ever say “well you’re great though I’ve seen better.”

And here is a serious question to all those straight men trying to deny this blatantly obvious sociological degradation: WHEN HAVE YOU EVER GONE SEARCHING FOR A DECENT MAN TO DATE?

What’s YOUR criteria? Had any luck lately? If you’ve never dated another straight male, how can you really vouch for anyone but yourself?

Some Softer Insight

Some of you have even asked “well you must be hard to please then, what the fuck do you want from a guy??”

All the basics I stated above in a man, and a personality that is compatible with mine. Simple, no?

Perhaps it’s a generational thing. My parents taught me to never settle for anything less than what I desire just because it might fit the desires of someone else. My father, who is as liberal as they come, even told me to be careful about boys but to be strong towards men.

It is the reason that none of my past boyfriends have made the cut – if they did they would have met my father. I would never DARE to bring someone who is less than a man with good intentions in front of my father, no matter how much I might have liked him.

Nowadays parents rarely step into these matters whatsoever for some reason. Outside of the typical ill explained threats towards their kids for hanging out with certain people, rarely do you see parents actually providing insight and dating advice.

I was raised to know and feel the difference. To know when I’ve truly found someone above all the rest.

Another thing is that being a very visual person I would have to find all of those qualities in my “type.” For instance I’m a sucker for guys with long hair, I can’t help it. Nothing is a bigger turn on for me physically than guys with very clean hair in a pony tail, intense eyes, and a strong back. ❤

Dear American Men,

“Women want men, not whiny bitches who quit on them when the going gets tough; they don’t want the distant, self absorbed clowns with attitudes that are a dime (or in this recession a penny) a dozen. ”

“Women want security; emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually, intellectually, and sometimes financially.” (I’m more of the independent type when it comes to money but I do require someone with a damn job; I refuse to be a sugar mommy.)

“Whenever a guy complains about his significant other always being upset, unhappy, or angry with them I always ask “well what have you done to change that?” The only reason her emotions are consistent is because you’re being consistent in making her that way. “

Keep in mind these quotes came from another blogger – a married male blogger. You should take the hint.

Any questions about what I DID SAY?

p/s: This goes out to all clueless individuals in the dating world (in America). I choose to focus on men in America because (duh) that’s who I’m looking at to date. You can cry all you want about how this applies to women too, I know that already.

pp/s: If you have taken the time to reflect on yourself and still feel as though you’re one of those one in a million guys that women go for, then that’s fine. I don’t care how you feel about it unless you’re trying to date me and I’m genuinely interested (I won’t be, most likely). That’s not to be snobby, it’s just in general a lot of people hit on me, and my kill death ratio in that department is rather high because well, I’m not looking for the typical guy in case you didn’t read that part.

DADT Repealed!

I’m in the process of writing another blog, one that’s very significant towards recent events and discussions so it’s going to take quite some time to write/edit etc. However I’m almost finished!

In the mean time though I wanted to update on something that I find to be incredibly important, the Repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

According to the LA Times the Senate has voted to repeal DADT, allowing openly homosexual people to serve in the US military without fear of punishment. This is a huge milestone in the gay rights movement and I’m amazed that people are finally coming to their senses in the matter.

I can’t say I’m proud of the US very often, but at this moment I’m pretty proud of this achievement. It takes a lot to get people to realize how stupid they can be after all, especially when they’re politicians.

I watched the discussion about it live from CNN and I was especially happy to hear this one politician speak and say the following:

“You say it’s a distraction to have openly gay soldiers in the military, and a dangerous one at that. It is far more of a threat to the American people to have their army weakened by dismissing more and more soldiers for absolutely no reason. The people serving in the military don’t have a problem serving with homosexuals, the only one that has a problem is you. What matters is how they serve this country, not who they love at home.”

Over 13,500 soldiers have been dismissed from the US military since 1993 for being homosexual.

“The Senate has taken an historic step toward ending a policy that undermines our national security while violating the very ideals that our brave men and women in uniform risk their lives to defend,” President Obama said in a prepared statement.” By ending ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,” no longer will our nation be denied the service of thousands of patriotic Americans forced to leave the military, despite years of exemplary performance, because they happen to be gay. And no longer will many thousands more be asked to live a lie in order to serve the country they love.

“It is time to close this chapter in our history,” he stated. “It is time to recognize that sacrifice, valor and integrity are no more defined by sexual orientation than they are by race or gender, religion or creed. It is time to allow gay and lesbian Americans to serve their country openly. I urge the Senate to send this bill to my desk so that I can sign it into law.”

It’s about damn time.

chronicles of okc: black pride or arrogance?

Note: This is a rant, which means it’ll probably end up being longer than it was intended to be. You’ve been warned!

For those of you that know me (and my family) intimately enough you’ll know that my nationalities are a bit confusing, if not random. My father is a mix of mothers Russia and Japan. My mother is pure bred Nubian and I look almost exactly like her.

For those of you (and this is directed towards African Americans especially) that do not actually know what it means to be Nubian let me explain it to you. I see far too many Black people claiming to be “Nubian.” Unless you are part of, or descending from, a tribe of about eight families left in the actual region taking up Egypt and northern Sudan (aka Nubia) you are not Nubian.

I suppose I feel like how a New Yorker would feel if they saw someone wearing an “I love New York” t-shirt on a person that’s never even been – frustrated. Go love your own goddamn state, for fucks sake. Or in this case, your own damn nationality.

And just like that New Yorker, I do realize why people seem to think it’s cool to show such pride for something they have clearly no understanding of; Nubia is stereotyped to be attractive, far more than what it is; you always hear about “Nubian kings and queens.” What the fuck ever.

That’s not how it is now, the dynasty has LONG fallen. What’s so glamorous about us now? We’re virtually extinct!

Nonetheless I’m very proud of my heritage, ALL parts of my heritage. I have great respect for all three nations that run through my blood. Too often that’s just not acceptable to others, especially Black people.

It’s obvious that Egypt doesn’t fully identify with the African continent. The culture is far more congruent with that of the Middle East considering 98% of people in Egypt today are descendants of immigrants from the Middle East.

Whenever someone makes the comment that “Egyptians are Black” it’s a statement that’s not completely correct. It’s like calling a Sicilian, Italian; it’s like not knowing the difference between someone who is Eritrean and someone who is Ethiopian. In short they’re similar, but they are most certainly not the same.

From a foreigner’s point of view, I see Black as different than African American – the definition for a “Black” person widely varies depending on what country you look at and the historical influence. I personally define someone who is “African American” as someone who was born in Africa and then came to the states; a “Black” person is someone of African descent, but is already here. Make sense?

Sidenote: One of my friends decided that everything that’s evil in the world was within me based on my nationality lmao.

On OKC one of the questions they ask is your race. You get the option to “check all that apply.” I obviously checked Arab, Asian, and White. I decided to elaborate on it within the “About ME” (emphasis on ME) box, and include my nationalities. But like I said, I always see African Americans being more understanding of my nationalities and Black people just utterly hateful.

I get this message from this one douchebag that makes a comment about my nationalities that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

“Egyptian, Russian, and Japanese. And let’s not forget the most obvious but never the favored BLACK lol”

First of all you can’t just throw another race in there just because you feel like it, asshole. Second of all if you’re so insecure as to sit there and express that I should put “Black” in my profile because you feel as if I’m avoiding it then that’s YOUR problem.

Why the fuck would I put “Black” underneath my nationalities? Black ain’t no country I’ve ever heard of! I’m well aware that I look like a race that I’m not – MANY people do. Ask any Hispanic or Asian how many times their nationality has been mistaken for something else.

My response?

“I would call myself Black if that was what I was, but I’m of Arab/Nubian descent.”

Clearly this won’t fly by him, and he doesn’t take the hint.

“I know .. but it’s not on your mixology thingy so that’s why it caught my eye Nubian is missing…”

Now that you’ve all had a brief history lesson by me, you should be able to tell why I’m frustrated. Having Egypt as part of my nationality IS the Nubian part dip shit!

Me: “No, Nubian is not missing. I notice this trend around a lot of African Americans, calling themselves Nubian. Unless you are part of my tribe in Egypt and northern Sudan, which by the way is almost to the point of extinction, you are not Nubian. You are African American or Black.

Please educate yourself before trying to insinuate that I need some form of Black pride when you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

Him: “lol Just say Nubian and stop trying to be white .. cuz you’re not – that’s all .. silly”

Me: “How am I trying to be White? I’m part Russian, I’m not going to ignore my heritage just so you can try to claim me. You are so fucking stupid, it’s ridiculous. Typical Black male.”

I am saying the following to the African American / Black / Fake Nubian community:

Educate yourself before speaking.

I am ridiculously exhausted of being told I’m “trying to be White” just because I’m educated, I speak proper English, I don’t obsess over shitty rappers, nor act ghetto. By saying I’m trying to act White all you’re REALLY saying is that Black people can’t be ANY of those things, including educated and well spoken. Do you not realize how fucking stupid it makes yourself look?

And to really sit there and try to claim me for Team Negro? Fuck you, I don’t feel the need to define myself by the color of my skin. I am me, and will be referred to as such. So before you talk about shit you have absolutely NO FUCKING IDEA about in a failed attempt at Black pride, know who the fuck you’re talking to!

In saying that others are “trying to be White” you’re succumbing to the belief that White people are superior to you. It’s a bitchy cop out from fear of originality. Right now, you’re trying to say that I’m attempting to be … a fourth of what I already am???


This boy is literally too stupid to talk to, he was blocked promptly because I have absolutely no tolerance for bull shit, especially ignorant bull shit.

If I date someone outside of my race, I’m a “cop out” and I’m “trying to be White” no matter what the race of my significant other is, unless he’s Hispanic.

Black people, I know you’re fucking mad because you feel you have to date within your race to be acceptable and that because of that you feel limited when people within your race don’t date other people that look like you. But I personally don’t give a shit.

I wasn’t brought up with that mindset and it irritates me to no end for people to make a big deal about ANYONE dating outside of their race. Does it make you uncomfortable? GOOD. Go chew on a dick to make yourself feel better!

There’s nothing biologically advantageous nor morally consistent about dating within your race; it literally makes no fucking difference except to racists. And I understand everyone will be attracted to people based on certain features that will predominantly be found in certain races, I GET THAT.

But that doesn’t give you the right to harass others for not being attracted to you, nor does it mean you should make your own life even harder by simply writing off an entire group of people without even giving them a look.

But if you want to limit yourself, that’s your issue, not mine.

So you can sit there and hate about me having friends, boyfriends, lovers, benefactors, sex slaves, and all around amazing people there for me that aren’t necessarily Black all you want; it’s your loss. And if you’re Black and you’re my friend I love you just the same as all my other friends, no more no less. So don’t bother asking for more just because of our similarities.

I don’t value my female friends more just because I have a vagina. I actually value them less. Just kidding. (Not really)

/end rant.

chronicles of okc: battling lesbians one vagina at a time

Sometimes on OKC I’ll get these females (bisexuals and lesbians alike) that feel it’s necessary to gawk at me and express just how “beautiful” I am. Don’t misunderstand, I do not at all take offense to people complimenting my appearance: but I do realize that in these situations they’re trying to hit on me and endless flattery isn’t the way to do it. Even a lion gets bored of others stroking his mane.

Some of them are very blunt and ask if I’m interested in having a threesome with them and their boyfriend. No, I am not interested in contracting any diseases you’ve already had the displeasure of sharing with one another, for the record. I think it’s about time people stopped asking me that.

And sometimes they’ll be genuinely curious about your personality and therefore try to pull the same manipulative tactics to try to determine who I am through short and ill thought out questions as they would do to a man if they were straight.

The following is the account of just such an occasion where a “real lesbian” (her phrase, not mine) decided to enter into a battle of the vagina minds. I already had an issue with her because she typed in all capital letters and had terrible grammar and spelling (which I will correct for the sake of literacy).

Side topic: There is absolutely no fucking reason for you to press Caps Lock before you have a conversation with someone. It’s absolutely idiotic and obnoxious to write in such a way and yes I will interpret as you being a loud person in general and I despise loud people.

The conversation started off as us talking about how I’m allergic to chocolate, caramel, and grass clippings. The typical ice breaking conversation ensued, a lot of “where are you from’s” and “what do you do’s” were passed. I learned that she’s fascinated with the fact that I’m virtually all alone in this state (all of my family is either out of state or out of the country) and that her parents passed away a long time ago and her plan is to move in with her sister.

Her fascination came by the fact that I’m an only child. And then she sprung this on me:

Lesbian: My best friend is an only child as well, and my daughter is gonna be an only child.

– Pause –

As someone who knows several gay couples with children I understand the concept that everyone can have kids, either through adoption or sperm donors. The more common option is adoption since sperm donors are so expensive, and since earlier in the conversation she mentioned that she was in between jobs I thought it would make sense to assume that adoption was the reason why this child was brought to be. But then she follows up with this tidbit of information:

Me: Was she adopted?

Lesbian: No. Do you have a problem with  lesbians having kids?

Me: Why would I have a problem with it? I just find it peculiar that you’re reproducing as a lesbian when a man’s presence would be required.

Lesbian: Well I don’t think that way! I have no interest in men but at the time I couldn’t afford a donor so I did it the old fashioned way! And I don’t regret it because I’m still a full all the way lesbian!

– Pause –

So right now she’s telling me that she’s a lesbian that takes dick. Not only that but she actually found someone willing to fuck her and give her a child at the risk of her turning around and claiming child support for a kid he didn’t even want.

Not to mention the fact that she’s got some over the top gay pride going on. She seems to be in denial of the fact that no one cares if she’s fitting into some designated label or not. I don’t care if she had sex with a dude whatsoever. It’s not like I’m about to mock her and call her a fraud. It looks like she’s trying to convince herself, not me.

She then asks me a bunch of random stuff about movies and hobbies before blurting out: “Hey are you more attracted in females or males, or is it equal?”

Let me explain something to my readers. I believe the female form is far more beautiful. It might be because I’m biased (being a female, and a narcissistic one at that) but I find my form to be far more attractive than that of a male’s. That being said, I have the hardest time relating to females and bonding with them. Most of my closest female friends aren’t really all that feminine. Hence why a vast majority of my friends are male and why I prefer to date males and never females.

In an attempt to explain this to her she decided that this logic was confusing to her. I didn’t understand how difficult of a concept that really was but I didn’t press it further. I don’t particularly care if she understands my line of thinking, after all.

Lesbian: So have you ever been intimate with a man?

Me: *flash backs of all the times spent with ex boyfriends* Yes.

Lesbian: Yeah girls in my opinion are better than most guys.

(No shit, you’re a lesbian. Kind of. One that takes dick.)

Lesbian: Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman?

Me: Yes, but I honestly can’t date most girls. They annoy me too much.

Lesbian: So you just sleep with them??

Me: Pretty much, despite how I can be pretty cold hearted to them. I found out recently a girl has fallen in love with me and wants to sleep with me but I refuse to do so because I don’t have any feelings towards her and it’s clear that she’ll want a relationship out of it. I don’t want to break her heart.

Lesbian: I can see how you’re cold hearted to women! Why don’t you just leave them alone instead of using them for sex?

Me: If I simply wanted to use someone for sex I’d blatantly ignore this girl’s feelings and have sex with her. You seem to have missed that point. Besides, every girl I’ve been with knew what she was doing and they are just as responsible. They can take care of themselves.

Lesbian: Well they must be crazy because if I’m a REAL LESBIAN I’m not going to have sex with a girl that wants nothing but sex, I just think their standards are very low.

Me: I won’t lie and say that every person I’ve been with is someone I genuinely wanted a relationship out of. However my standards are very high for dating as well as for intimacy.

Lesbian: You are no better than a man!!

Me: How so? Are we playing double standards? Is it all of a sudden just ok for a man to be able to enjoy meaningless sex but not okay for a woman? The girls I’ve been with aren’t some innocent victims! If I was as bad as you seem to be making me try to appear I would have already slept with this girl, wouldn’t I?

Lesbian: I never said you were a bad person I’m just defensive of lesbians over bisexuals and confused women, I don’t think we should court people like that because most times they get hurt. I never have that’s why I stick to nothing but real lesbians!!

Me: Being a lesbian all of a sudden doesn’t make you more capable of loving someone than a bisexual or a man, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean you’re gonna act differently than either of us. A lesbian can hurt you just as easily, a lesbian doesn’t have to all of a sudden care about your feelings either. It’s not that I don’t value relationships; if I didn’t I wouldn’t be on OKC to begin with. But I’m not gonna sit here and pretend like only certain types of people have the potential to hurt/disappoint me when it comes to relationships. I keep my standards high and my desires well in my sight to remind myself to never settle for anything less than what I deserve.

Lesbian: So is that why you just have sex with women?? So you don’t get hurt? Are you scared of getting hurt by a woman??

Me: I can’t get attached to a woman emotionally to begin with so it would be rather difficult for me to get hurt by them.

Lesbian: So you have no emotions when you have sex with them?? How do you do that??

Me: The only emotion present would be lust. I don’t necessarily have to love someone to have sex with them, I’m a human. That would be a ridiculous notion.

Lesbian: But you don’t seem to like them either, you only want to screw them! It has nothing to do with love!

Me: It’s not like I’m demeaning women by hating them and fucking them out of hatred and rage. Every girl I’ve slept with has been a friend of mine. It doesn’t mean I see them as useless sex objects it means I see them as people I’m sexually attracted to.

Lesbian: I don’t know, but like you said everybody has different ways of liking women. I really just thought you were treating them as sex objects and I was offended for a minute. I just really try to avoid women like you but you’re a very good person to talk to. Again not a bad person but I’m into girls on a whole ‘nother level than you can even imagine.

Me: Let me explain something to you. You have absolutely no clue who I am, what I’ve experienced nor what my expectations are. You have no clue how I treat others nor are you capable of comprehending the absolute HELL that I have been through when it comes to love. So before you start trying to place me on some fictional level you just made up, I highly suggest not judging me nor what I’m capable of.

She then went on to talk about how I judged her for having a child. For the record as long as she’s a good parent I don’t care how the child got there. But one shouldn’t sit there and tell others they’re a lesbian and then say that their child isn’t adopted nor from the sperm bank and HONESTLY EXPECT people to not have questions as to how they got there!

She said that it was the way I said it, that I don’t think lesbians should have children because they’re gay. I have no fucking clue whatsoever how she deduced that from asking the mere question of whether or not the kid was adopted. She’s clearly very insecure and has issues with herself.

And she really wonders why I (and many men) don’t feel like making a connection with women? They’re bat shit fucking insane that’s why!

She claims that she was being respectable towards me but I decided not to listen to her whatsoever. I had a guest coming over so I closed my laptop and ignored this cunt for the rest of the night.

Logging in the next day I find a message on OKC from her saying this:

Lesbian: You could have said “bye.” I still wanna be your friend and start over, but only if you want to. We have different view points and opinions and things got hasty and aggressive but you make the choice. Toodles.

I have no idea why but I immediately got even further annoyed when she used the word “toodles” like people just say shit like that anymore. Cunt. Either way I responded with this:

You seem to have some pent up hatred for men and bisexuals so I doubt that will work between us. You seem to think you’ve got everything figured out about love when you really haven’t a clue, nor do you seem to realize that you being a lesbian doesn’t put you above anyone else nor does it mean you’re more capable of loving women. You’re extremely judgmental and thrive on double standards between men and women and I personally can’t deal with people like that.

I think I can safely conclude that I hate all “real lesbians” now. Thanks for ruining your cause by annoying the FUCK out of me, bitch face.