through the eyes of a deviant

tongue like a diamond dagger

Tag Archives: Women

chronicles of okc: why i refuse to date gamers

As many of you know, whenever I see a man with a gaming console it’s one of the biggest turn offs for me. You may think it’s a bit hypocritical considering I’m also a gamer. However, the difference is that I have self control and I actually crave for human interaction – most of the guys that I’ve encountered who are gamers don’t have self control, are very dependent on video games when dealing with their problems, have dangerous addictions to gaming, and actually don’t care for much human interaction.

I’ve had two horrible experiences with gamers in the dating world. One I dated for a year and a half and that promptly ended when his inability to interact with other people that aren’t gamers made him more and more reclusive and eventually he decided that all he needed was video games. The second one I dated for a year; his mother and I were concerned about the gaming addiction he had developed since childhood. His father neglected him and his only consolation was gaming. Even to this day he’ll put gaming before friends and family, and his addiction and our effort to help him with it made him lash out, cheat on me, and then alienate most of his friends.

I find that gamers tend to lack the emotional and social maturity that I need in a man. *shrugs*

This, very simply, is why I don’t date gamers. Period. This is my preference and I have my right to it. There’s far more that goes into both of these situations but it’s too personal to talk about here, you’d have to go to my personal weblog for that.

While I don’t really use OKC anymore, I did have a disclaimer up there saying that I don’t date gamers. I didn’t elaborate, why should I have to? Just know if you spend hours with a controller in your hand you’re not the one for me, get over it.

Well this one boy couldn’t get over it, as you can see by our conversation.

Him: Bummer on the not dating gamers bit. I mean, really, who is to say that one person’s hobby is superior to another’s? That’d be like saying “I don’t date movie watchers” or “I don’t date book readers”.

I once read a profile of a girl who said “I won’t date a man who watches sports”; now I’m not particularly interested in sports… but really? Must be nice to be in a position to make such a demand.

(Sidenote: yes I am in that position to make that demand, and it is nice. As amazing of a person AND girlfriend I am to every single person I’ve dated, if you want to get this 10 you need to be a 10, it’s that damn simple. I demand what I want, and nothing less. )

Me: It’s not about putting one hobby over another, I’m just not interested in dating children.

Him: A bit presumptuous to assume that one’s hobby makes them a child, no? And really, who are you to say what constitutes an adult? I have a damn good career, I pay my bills on time, I have excellent credit, I live alone currently but have lived with 3 different women; oh, and I happen to enjoy a video game or two. Hey, if all of that is indicative of a child then sign me up. Thanks for playing.

Me: This little rant of yours proves your lack of maturity and displays all of your insecurities. No matter what you say, I don’t date gamers.

“Thanks for playing.”

Really? Did I ask for your attention? You came to ME, it’s about time you got over yourself. After losing a child and a marriage to a gaming addiction do you really fucking think I give two shits about your shit career, your credit score or your exes? Think fucking again cunt because I fucking don’t. And don’t think for one fucking second that you paying a bill or having a job all of a sudden makes you mature enough for me.

You’ve been dismissed.

Clearly he didn’t know who the fuck he was talking to. Piling on the reasons for why I don’t date gamers – emotional immaturity for the lose.

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the dilemma of a female gamer

I’m a female, and I’m a “gamer.”

By “gamer,” I suppose I aim to imply that games are not at all foreign to me; I find interest in and clearly do achieve whatever is to be done within every game I come across that catches my attention. I know the lingo, I appreciate the work it takes into creating a game, I recognize I was born in the age of certain games that today’s are based on.

In short, when it comes to games, I know what I’m talking about.

But to most gamers, seeing another one that’s a female is often too much to handle. Why? Because gamers don’t interact with other people, much less females. Hence why they’re fascinated with us.

For the record it’s really obnoxious to see guys put us up on a pedestal for not only being capable of picking up a controller and using it well, but having a vagina at the same time. You’re pretty much saying we’re overcoming an inadequacy, a handicap if you will.

And it’s also really irritating to see girls like the Frag Dolls pretty much riding that stereotype to a life of irrelevant and inconsequential e-fame. The Frag Dolls themselves are only famous because of their skill in combination with their vagina, and while it’s a direct challenge to a male dominated area I feel like, as a woman, there are so many more important things we could be conquering.

As an avid gamer I’ve gone through all the reactions that I think another female gamer could go through – I’ve been hit on, harassed, banished, put up on a pedestal, stalked, etc. If I do well in a game I either get guys that are surprised for some reason or I get people bent on making my life a living hell; in short everyone’s insecurities about women tend to come out on Xbox Live and the PSN.

And here we have the dilemma.

If you play anonymously, you’re ugly, fat, and you smell funny.

If you openly show yourself and you’re not up to the video game standard of flawless physical appearance then you’re “the ugliest bitch they’ve ever seen in their lives.”

If you openly show yourself and you’re quite attractive, you’re a fake because hot chicks don’t play video games.

If you’re attractive and ignore the advances of snotty pimple faced gamers you must be a snob/bitch/whore and therefore must be hated because you clearly go for the type of guy that they’ll always envy – the jock.

If you have a boyfriend, this must not be your Xbox live account, it has to be his.

If you get attacked and it really doesn’t bother you, you must be crying on the inside.

If you respond to the haters then you’re incapable of dealing with e-trolls and you’ve just now become the aggressor, how dare you talk back to twelve year olds?

If you’re overweight, that’s all you’ll ever be.

If you’re thin you must be starving yourself and therefore are blatantly insulting other women.

No matter what type of in game achievements you have, what gear you’re wearing, or what gun you’re toting, you’re a noob and shouldn’t be dumb enough to do what you’re doing.

In short, if you threaten the stereotypical male persona you’re a bitch and you need to be destroyed.

It’s why whenever someone yells at me for being absent from a game I promptly inform them that I was painting my nails and watching Sex and the City with the girls, or that I was busy having sex, or something along those lines.

Now who’s up for a dance off on the Wii??

p/s: Gamers the Wii was invented for you to get OFF your ass and stop having health problems, don’t let me catch you playing Wii tennis sitting down. Ass clowns.

it’s not about you, stop fucking crying

NOTE: This is very long. But I do expect you to read the entire thing before making a comment, especially at the end when my rage subsides.

I’m getting really tired of oversensitive people; people who can’t take a statement with a grain of salt and actually think about what is said before working themselves up into a frenzy just to claim they were being “offended.”

Word of advice: if you can’t handle being offended, don’t read anything I say. I’m blunt as hell and I refuse to consider your feelings because you’re an adult and it’s about time you got weened from life’s proverbial tit. If I can admit to some societal failures accumulated by groups I’m a subcategory in, then so can you. If you want someone to stroke your dick ego I’m clearly not the one you’re looking for.

In short, I will tear you apart. Why?

Because the type of people that get offended by what I write and how I think usually have no clue about what I wrote nor what I thought. They see a topic, assume what I mean, and continuously cry for hours on end about how “wrong” I am.

And if you took the time to notice, you’d realize that everything I say that stirs up such controversy is a very general statement. If you haven’t taken a sociology course yet, you probably should (since it’s required, hint hint) so that you stand a chance at comprehending this very basic concept:

You as an individual don’t mean jack shit towards a sociological observation.

The whole point of sociology is to be able to come to a general conclusion, the key word being general. You can cry all you want about what you think it deduces to, what was implied, or whatever you feel like being offended over on that particular day but it doesn’t fucking matter.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say someone observes that the reason women purchase cosmetics is generally caused by a push from society to look physically superior or perfect to attract a mate. It doesn’t mean jack shit that the reason I put on make up is because I like being artistic and it’s fun for me.

My individual case isn’t enough to denounce an entire observation or theory, now is it? Especially one with some merit. And my individual case most certainly doesn’t speak for all the other cases! After all I’m not representative of all women just like no other woman isn’t representative of me.

But enough about women, let’s talk about men.

Recently there’s been a lot of (just kidding, like two or three) “men” that have been butt hurt about some things I have said with regards to dating. I put the word “men” in quotes because I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt, which I rarely do.

You’re welcome.

Basically the gist of what I actually (key word being actually) said is that American men don’t have what I need when it comes to dating; in America the concept of dating has devolved in such a way that things that aren’t at all healthy in a relationship have become acceptable. American men go by a morale that’s very unattractive to me – men are encouraged to act whorishly, unattached to their significant others, and in general extremely lazy and irresponsible when it comes to dating. Too often you’ll hear excuses for poor behavior instead of seeing people with great behavior.

Now let’s evaluate what I didn’t say that people seem to be insinuating:

  1. All men behave poorly: that would be a direct insult to not only logic (which I value greatly) but to my male friends that HAVE shown that they can do better. I’m not the type to give people the benefit of the doubt; until someone can prove to me that they are a certain way then I’m apathetic to them and therefore don’t make the assumption that they can do better than the national average. *shrugs* Get over it.
  2. Women are better than men: if you know me at all you know that I despise women. I despise how society encourages women to be weak, bitchy, manipulative towards men, and overly obsessed with trying to fit into a guy’s circle of male friends to try to be “unique.” (Sidenote: Bitches, being “one of the guys” doesn’t make you unique, it makes you a coward. If you can’t be yourself, as in the holder of a vagina, then you have a problem. In the end you’ll be treated like one of the guys: irrelevant.) I never said anything about women, good or bad. Since I’m not interested in dating a woman I don’t feel the need to talk about them. It’s that damn simple.
  3. All men that aren’t American are worth going for: you’ll have your typical douchebag in every single country you go to, there’s no doubt about that. I only speak about American men because I live in AMERICA and therefore only interact with/date AMERICAN men. However, this also doesn’t mean other countries have the same morale as the U.S. Like I said, there’s nothing saying that there aren’t your douchebags sitting alongside your decent men. However, finding a decent man in America is like finding an untouched bottle of vodka at Courtney Love‘s house. Not every country has that same belief system when it comes to dating, and therefore tend to generate men more in sync with what American women value.
  4. Chivalry is dead: first of all, the idea of chivalry isn’t at all related to what I’m talking about. Chivalry is an archaic concept where people essentially put the pussy up on the pedestal and treat women better than other men. Women get treated like shit here! Back in the day (medieval times) it was because women were thought of as prizes to be won, and had to be woo’d over. Let me explain something: I don’t enjoy the idea of chivalry, in its actual context; don’t be super polite to me just because I have different genitalia. I do however enjoy the idea of people having manners. I’m not the uber feminist type that gets angry if you hold open a door for her; as someone who dislikes touching anything public I greatly appreciate it. I understand it’s a courtesy, but that is simply being polite. It is not chivalry. And chivalry is not valued because I am not a thing to be won through small favors. Also for the record, holding the door open for me or being polite in general doesn’t mean you’re automatically good boyfriend material. It goes along with the idea that the second you do something right, you’re owed something; especially when you ONLY act politely for females. That’s immature and therefore shows how irresponsible of a person you really are and how little you really care. So stop equating politeness to the ability to be a respectable significant other, ass clowns! If you feel like you need a medal just because you have a dick and opened the door for someone who doesn’t have one, then you’re fucking retarded. You’re supposed to be polite, shit face.

Here’s another quick tip: If you claim that I say something that I haven’t or that I’m even insinuating something when you don’t know anything about my views on the matter it’s a very easy thing for me to now write you off as an idiot to the subject. If you are incapable of logic and cannot properly debate with me on anything then you shouldn’t even be speaking to me on the matter. Period. It is a surefire way to piss me off because it shows you’re not listening, you’re just talking.

There’s a whole lot of boys claiming to be decent men but whenever I ask them what makes them such I always get a blank stare. They can never come up with an actual reason behind their self image and therefore crumble when I ask that question.

Clearly what a man thinks of himself is going to differ than what other people think of him, and aren’t others entitled to their opinions? Are men just scared that their reasons aren’t going to measure up to the reality that they really have nothing impressive to say?

If you can’t back up your claims then what’s my reason for believing you? I’ve had guys that have never even been in relationships claim that they’re decent when in one. Really?? That doesn’t even make sense! How the fuck would you know that and why the fuck would I believe you?

So when I think of a decent man what do I think of?

I think of someone that complements a decent woman.

I think of someone who, if they found themselves with a mature woman who knows what she wants, what she deserves, and what her goals/ambitions are, wouldn’t make the woman feel as though she’s forced to settle for less than what she wants and deserves. I’m sure every woman has her own list of desires in a relationship based on her own personality but we can all agree on a few basic things:

  • Loyalty / fidelity
  • Love and respect
  • Trust and honesty
  • Substantial effort to work through problems
  • Understanding of one another or the honest attempt to do so
  • Responsibility*
  • Communication*

If you’re incapable of providing these basic things, you don’t need to be in a relationship. Period. I don’t give a fuck what type of excuses you would like to make up for yourself, you’re fucking inadequate. And anyone who settles for anything less than this is a god damn moron.

But let’s move on to the real point.

A lot of straight men are in denial about the exponential decline in morale when it comes to dating because as usual they feel like they’re being blamed for everything. That’s not true, but they ARE responsible for half of it no?

And people in denial tend to say the same things over and over:

“But I’m not like that, you can’t just generalize because I’m an exception!”

First of all I don’t know that you’re an exception.
Second of all I don’t care if you are an exception; as previously stated your existence doesn’t negate a sociological observation because guess what? You’re NOT representative of all men, you’re only representative of yourself.

“Oh it must be you, it’s just your experiences. You must have bad luck!”

If it was just me then there wouldn’t be any of the following:

  • Books on how to deal with men
  • Books on how to “change” men
  • Books on how to read signs from men
  • Articles in magazines focused on decent men in the media
  • A divorce rate over 50%
  • Romance Movies and shows that focus on guys that are over the top amazing
  • The need for 99% of my guy friends to be over protective of me whenever a new guy comes in my life, saying he’s there for sex most likely
  • The stigma against men who aren’t sexually active
  • A societal shift towards revering sluts and condemning virgins
  • Media coverage on anyone in the spot light that fucks up their relationship
  • A general agreement on the downfall of dating from a majority of both sides
  • Foreigners refusing to date Americans except for something superficial like citizenship
  • Romance novels
  • Movies depicting fathers telling their sons how to get women through ALL the wrong ways
  • 100+ emails, facebook messages, and tweets from people I didn’t even know read the blog anticipating this entry, all of different genders, sexual orientations, etc, especially women and homosexual men.

And the list goes on.

“Well if women weren’t X, Y, and Z men wouldn’t be this way!”

A real man doesn’t make excuses for his poor behavior, this is clearly a boy talking. I’ve encountered countless boys with shitty behavior, completely driven by hormones and bull shit drama but have I all of a sudden decided to throw in the towel on my morals? My standards? Fuck no!!

Just because it’s hard to find someone that meets my standards doesn’t mean I should lower them! That wouldn’t be fair to me and I’m not a fucking coward. And it doesn’t mean I should lower my own personal standards because it wouldn’t be fair for that potential to come to me and see me as just another unappealing ass clown trying to get him with minimal effort.

And every single time a woman acts sensibly towards you and decides that you’re just not the one she wants and decides to move on, what happens? She’s either deemed as crazy or unstable and you lash out at her. Yeah that’s a double standard I LOVE going through. /sarcasm.

You have no one to blame but yourself for your lack of honor and sensibility.

“Wah, you didn’t say anything good about boys though! You’re being unfair!”

If you notice I didn’t say anything good about women either. This actually reminds me of my ex’s cousin from Germany when she made a remark on babysitting American children:

“Americans spoil their children so much. Every time they do something right it’s always a pat on the back, a treat, and a ‘good job!’ thrown at them. That’s what they’re supposed to do! Why reward them for doing what they’re supposed to do?? Reward them for being even better! Americans just baby their children.”

And this is exactly how I feel about anyone who whines about me not praising them. First of all if I don’t even know what I’m praising you for, ie you haven’t shown me any proof of you being a decent guy to date then don’t ask me to praise you for it because I won’t. I’m not going to sit here and lie about you.

Second of all I don’t HAVE to spare your ego every time I criticize something by commenting on what’s “nice” about you. You’re a grown ass man, you should be able to take some criticism by now! You should be doing what’s right despite whether or not you get praised for it!

I don’t get praised for not being a cum guzzling slut now do I? But does that mean I need a pat on the back every time I’m not blowing someone to keep it up? Hell no! I’m a grown ass woman, not some deranged and confused teenage bimbo trying to win the love of scrawny little high school boys!

And what’s so incredible is you fuckers keep missing the point that I said from the very beginning!

I. AM. GENERALIZING.

If you can’t figure out that generalization leaves room for exception then you should kindly just shut the fuck up right now and go enroll in some basic logic courses and a couple of sociology courses. And as I said before, the existence of an exception, both logically and sociologically, is NOT enough to denounce an entire large scale observation.

So no I, as a woman who has loved and continues to love HARD those that deserve it despite American bull shit, don’t care if you’re going to claim to be an exception. I, as that woman, don’t give two shits if you’re crying in denial that finding a man capable of those basic qualities listed above is about as difficult as finding one of Disney’s child stars not doing drugs in their twenties.

And most importantly I as that woman don’t give two shits about what YOU think of what I say or who I am because here’s a flash of reality: 99.9% of you have absolutely no clue who you’re fucking talking to. You have NO CLUE about my experiences and how they’ve affected me*, my views, or anything of the sort. Even my best friend in the world isn’t aware of a lot of things I have done/went through/etc because I put those things on a strictly “need to know” basis.

And this clearly doesn’t just apply to me, but MANY women. And those who have found decent guys KNOW how lucky they are, they don’t deny it! Whenever a woman writes about a man that’s treating her right and truly makes her heart flutter what does she say?

“I’m lucky to have found someone like you.”

Don’t believe me? Go check your Facebook. The bitch doesn’t ever say “well you’re great though I’ve seen better.”

And here is a serious question to all those straight men trying to deny this blatantly obvious sociological degradation: WHEN HAVE YOU EVER GONE SEARCHING FOR A DECENT MAN TO DATE?

What’s YOUR criteria? Had any luck lately? If you’ve never dated another straight male, how can you really vouch for anyone but yourself?

Some Softer Insight

Some of you have even asked “well you must be hard to please then, what the fuck do you want from a guy??”

All the basics I stated above in a man, and a personality that is compatible with mine. Simple, no?

Perhaps it’s a generational thing. My parents taught me to never settle for anything less than what I desire just because it might fit the desires of someone else. My father, who is as liberal as they come, even told me to be careful about boys but to be strong towards men.

It is the reason that none of my past boyfriends have made the cut – if they did they would have met my father. I would never DARE to bring someone who is less than a man with good intentions in front of my father, no matter how much I might have liked him.

Nowadays parents rarely step into these matters whatsoever for some reason. Outside of the typical ill explained threats towards their kids for hanging out with certain people, rarely do you see parents actually providing insight and dating advice.

I was raised to know and feel the difference. To know when I’ve truly found someone above all the rest.

Another thing is that being a very visual person I would have to find all of those qualities in my “type.” For instance I’m a sucker for guys with long hair, I can’t help it. Nothing is a bigger turn on for me physically than guys with very clean hair in a pony tail, intense eyes, and a strong back. ❤

Dear American Men,

“Women want men, not whiny bitches who quit on them when the going gets tough; they don’t want the distant, self absorbed clowns with attitudes that are a dime (or in this recession a penny) a dozen. ”

“Women want security; emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually, intellectually, and sometimes financially.” (I’m more of the independent type when it comes to money but I do require someone with a damn job; I refuse to be a sugar mommy.)

“Whenever a guy complains about his significant other always being upset, unhappy, or angry with them I always ask “well what have you done to change that?” The only reason her emotions are consistent is because you’re being consistent in making her that way. “

Keep in mind these quotes came from another blogger – a married male blogger. You should take the hint.

Any questions about what I DID SAY?

p/s: This goes out to all clueless individuals in the dating world (in America). I choose to focus on men in America because (duh) that’s who I’m looking at to date. You can cry all you want about how this applies to women too, I know that already.

pp/s: If you have taken the time to reflect on yourself and still feel as though you’re one of those one in a million guys that women go for, then that’s fine. I don’t care how you feel about it unless you’re trying to date me and I’m genuinely interested (I won’t be, most likely). That’s not to be snobby, it’s just in general a lot of people hit on me, and my kill death ratio in that department is rather high because well, I’m not looking for the typical guy in case you didn’t read that part.

chronicles of okc: it’s only the beginning

Recently a friend of mine decided to make me an OKC account. If you don’t know what that is, essentially it’s a dating site like every other one with the minor exception that it’s actually legitimately free.

It took some warming up to the idea, but it’s actually pretty interesting. I haven’t met anyone that I would really “date” but I’ve made a couple of interesting friends so I assume it’s not a total waste of time at the moment. But the people that do hit on me tend to either be really shy and intimidated, or total douchebags.

Hence why I’m starting my own Chronicles of OKC to catalog the differing levels of pure douchebaggery.  Maybe this will provide some insight to those that have hit on me (or wish to) into what works for me and what absolutely doesn’t.

I’ll start off this chapter with one of the first people that approached me through OKC. Check this conversation out and let me know what you think. (Keep in mind I’ve had to alter his spelling and grammar to be that of a normal human being who knows English).

~~~

Him: Hi there.
Me: How are you?
Him: I’m good. Spent most of my day playing Dr. Phil to my sis who’s havin man trouble. y’all women sure can talk : )

-Pause-

Was I really supposed to think that remark was cute? Charming? Amusing? First of all, I don’t fucking know you. So don’t come the fuck up to me and say essentially “Hi, you’re just like every other woman!” I should have fucked this joker up but he’s hiding safely behind the interwebs.

-Resume-

Me: Really? I find it’s men that seem to have the most to say. Here’s a tip: I wouldn’t start off a conversation with stereotyping my gender. 🙂 Better luck next time.
Him: Stereotyping men right back may not be the best way to lead me to the light there, charm-school. Anyway I just wanted to say “hi.” You kinda look like this girl I used to copy off of back in college ( I know also politically incorrect) but if you don’t want to talk let me know so I can prepare an OKC lawsuit for making our enemy percentage rating* obviously too low.

-Pause-

Dear Reader: You seriously have no idea how long it took to edit that paragraph he wrote from all the poor grammar and numerous spelling errors.

*Enemy percentage rating is calculated from questions you answer on the site and determine how badly your personalities clash. Apparently ours was only 9% so I think their algorithm is busted.

Yes, I am very attracted to guys that cheated their way through college. /sarcasm. Do your own damn work you lazy son of a bitch. And for the record if you compare a female with another female you know and say that’s the reason you’re interested you’re fucking retarded. No female wants to hear that she’s being categorized even further or even comparable to another female. I’m unique just like everyone else (lol). In a woman’s world we are supposed to stand out in your eyes, not blend in with your crowd of college drop outs. I’m not worried about me being the one you copied off of though, you’d never get into this school.

-Resume-

Me: I didn’t need a “charm school” to teach me better than to hit on women by saying they talk a lot. Not attractive. I’m sure the “better luck next time” part was your cue. 🙂
Him: That’s what I get for being one of the few guys that talk to the dark girl trying to show love. Oh well.

-Pause-

What the fuck? This boy is fucking ridiculous! The dark girl? What the fuck does that even mean? Do dark girls get hit on less? I know we as Black women tend to provide hierarchies within ourselves based on skin color and hair type but seriously? Being dark doesn’t make me fucking less adequate or more aggressive or really… more/less anything. In fact it’s fucking irrelevant.

In case you’re wondering, this is a Black guy hitting on me.

-Resume-

Me: My skin color is irrelevant to your failure, and you are not at all a rarity considering you don’t have the sense nor class to know when to simply take your rejection with a grain of salt. If this is how you “show love,” by starting off by “hello, by the way you women are all the same and a burden,” then I’m glad I recognized how incompatible we are this early. 🙂 Peace.

What I really wanted to say was “shut the fuck up, bitch ass knee-grow blowing up my inbox with some dumb ass shieeeeeeeeeeeeeet,” but I had to keep my composure. I can’t bring myself to that level though the ghetto in me does kind of slip out sometimes. 😉

Lesson – never talk to me as if you can classify me. And definitely don’t mistake this lioness for a house kitten…

… or I’ll fuck you up. 🙂

Good night kids, have a great weekend. Oh! And don’t forget to preorder your tickets to see Harry Potter’s new movie!!