through the eyes of a deviant

tongue like a diamond dagger

chronicles of okc: it’s only the beginning

Recently a friend of mine decided to make me an OKC account. If you don’t know what that is, essentially it’s a dating site like every other one with the minor exception that it’s actually legitimately free.

It took some warming up to the idea, but it’s actually pretty interesting. I haven’t met anyone that I would really “date” but I’ve made a couple of interesting friends so I assume it’s not a total waste of time at the moment. But the people that do hit on me tend to either be really shy and intimidated, or total douchebags.

Hence why I’m starting my own Chronicles of OKC to catalog the differing levels of pure douchebaggery.  Maybe this will provide some insight to those that have hit on me (or wish to) into what works for me and what absolutely doesn’t.

I’ll start off this chapter with one of the first people that approached me through OKC. Check this conversation out and let me know what you think. (Keep in mind I’ve had to alter his spelling and grammar to be that of a normal human being who knows English).

~~~

Him: Hi there.
Me: How are you?
Him: I’m good. Spent most of my day playing Dr. Phil to my sis who’s havin man trouble. y’all women sure can talk : )

-Pause-

Was I really supposed to think that remark was cute? Charming? Amusing? First of all, I don’t fucking know you. So don’t come the fuck up to me and say essentially “Hi, you’re just like every other woman!” I should have fucked this joker up but he’s hiding safely behind the interwebs.

-Resume-

Me: Really? I find it’s men that seem to have the most to say. Here’s a tip: I wouldn’t start off a conversation with stereotyping my gender. 🙂 Better luck next time.
Him: Stereotyping men right back may not be the best way to lead me to the light there, charm-school. Anyway I just wanted to say “hi.” You kinda look like this girl I used to copy off of back in college ( I know also politically incorrect) but if you don’t want to talk let me know so I can prepare an OKC lawsuit for making our enemy percentage rating* obviously too low.

-Pause-

Dear Reader: You seriously have no idea how long it took to edit that paragraph he wrote from all the poor grammar and numerous spelling errors.

*Enemy percentage rating is calculated from questions you answer on the site and determine how badly your personalities clash. Apparently ours was only 9% so I think their algorithm is busted.

Yes, I am very attracted to guys that cheated their way through college. /sarcasm. Do your own damn work you lazy son of a bitch. And for the record if you compare a female with another female you know and say that’s the reason you’re interested you’re fucking retarded. No female wants to hear that she’s being categorized even further or even comparable to another female. I’m unique just like everyone else (lol). In a woman’s world we are supposed to stand out in your eyes, not blend in with your crowd of college drop outs. I’m not worried about me being the one you copied off of though, you’d never get into this school.

-Resume-

Me: I didn’t need a “charm school” to teach me better than to hit on women by saying they talk a lot. Not attractive. I’m sure the “better luck next time” part was your cue. 🙂
Him: That’s what I get for being one of the few guys that talk to the dark girl trying to show love. Oh well.

-Pause-

What the fuck? This boy is fucking ridiculous! The dark girl? What the fuck does that even mean? Do dark girls get hit on less? I know we as Black women tend to provide hierarchies within ourselves based on skin color and hair type but seriously? Being dark doesn’t make me fucking less adequate or more aggressive or really… more/less anything. In fact it’s fucking irrelevant.

In case you’re wondering, this is a Black guy hitting on me.

-Resume-

Me: My skin color is irrelevant to your failure, and you are not at all a rarity considering you don’t have the sense nor class to know when to simply take your rejection with a grain of salt. If this is how you “show love,” by starting off by “hello, by the way you women are all the same and a burden,” then I’m glad I recognized how incompatible we are this early. 🙂 Peace.

What I really wanted to say was “shut the fuck up, bitch ass knee-grow blowing up my inbox with some dumb ass shieeeeeeeeeeeeeet,” but I had to keep my composure. I can’t bring myself to that level though the ghetto in me does kind of slip out sometimes. 😉

Lesson – never talk to me as if you can classify me. And definitely don’t mistake this lioness for a house kitten…

… or I’ll fuck you up. 🙂

Good night kids, have a great weekend. Oh! And don’t forget to preorder your tickets to see Harry Potter’s new movie!!

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13 responses to “chronicles of okc: it’s only the beginning

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