through the eyes of a deviant

tongue like a diamond dagger

vegans don’t exist

I have a lot of vegan friends.


Ok I lied, I have like three.
And I must say that I despise the types of vegans that are always in your face about what you eat. One of my friends (who thankfully is not at all like that) gave me some tips on trying veganism because I asked her about it. Yes, my body felt ten times better than when I was eating meat constantly but…

Somehow nothing really beats a good old fashioned steak to me.

“How would you like it cooked miss?”
“Bloody, no onions, smothered in A1, with a side of mashed potatoes and some greens. Oh, and a milkshake.”

I swear it’d be my last meal if I were being put to death.

But I always get tempted to be that smart ass that breaks someone’s high when they pull the high and mighty “oh I don’t believe in killing animals just so I can eat, I’m not that selfish” bull shit. Really? Didn’t they (and by they I mean a bunch of people in lab coats holding clipboards) discover that plants have memory and actually think? If you really wanna stop killing things, starve yourself.

How do you break that high when you encounter a chlorophyll sucking asshole? Call their bluff. There’s no way that they are avoiding using any part of any animal. This is easily explained in the following diagram:

Basically you walk up to them and say “hey, your hair smells nice. What product do you use? Oh, it has animal parts in it,” or something along those lines to get them to shut the hell up.

Besides you’re messing with the natural order. It’s not as though humans are just chillin’ here, and not really part of the planet. We’re viral. We still play a significant role in keeping a balance. What if we all just stopped eating animals period? They’d over run, die of starvation from lack of resources (because we and the millions of other animals we left alive are eating their food) and all hell would break loose.

What if we just stopped using animal products? We’d have to go without soap, music, certain sports, cars, homes, pets, etc.

I’d go vegan but I’d rather not smell like shit.

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